I seem to have something like a glitch in my problem delay mechanism. Or maybe I am too hard on myself when I’m being measured and reasonable about things before I decide there’s something going on. But I’ve had something going on for a little bit now and I’ve recognized it as a potential problem and started to talk with people about it today. So, time for a braindump.

About 6 weeks ago, while I was receiving a massage, I had a strange sensation, like my skin was half numb at my hip. I could tell there was pressure there, but the sensation wasn’t right. Later in the night I realized it was happening at my knees and the tops of my hands, too.

Since then, I’ve noticed that superficial sensation has remained dull, and changes/spreads seemingly randomly. My forearms are almost always blunt feeling, and often slightly tingly and dense. Last night, I was feeling numbness and almost a vibrating sensation all the way down my leg from my hip. Right now my neck is dull, too, but my face feels right.

I’ve been almost constantly cold for 3 weeks. Not “You live in a basement and it’s winter” ‘cold’, I mean my hands are often fridged through the second leg of a massage in a heated office with a table warmer when they’re normally up to temp by the time I’ve finished my first upper leg ‘cold’. I sleep with a heating pad at my feet most nights. When I lay on my side my low back is often annoyingly cold, despite the covers.

I’ve waxed twice since that night at the spa when I noticed this, and it hurts less. A lot less. I can feel it, but it’s simply nothing like waxing has felt for the last 2.5 years. Wouldn’t mind hanging onto that symptom, actually..

I hadn’t much mentioned it since the first time I noticed this. It’s subtle compared to the raging infections and crazy shit I normally end up worried about. And I’ve been so incredibly busy and stressed. I was thinking of trying to find a neurologist or something, but first I want blood work and a fucking day off.

Honestly, I’m scared. I know too many people with things like MS and Celiac not to consider those things. I’ve put my body through a lot in the time I’ve had it. I think part of me is just waiting for the shoe to drop and for this resilient, triumphant facade to crumble away. I know it’s probably a pinched nerve and shit circulation. I know that. It’s silly but.. honestly, I’m still scared.

It’s probably nothing. But I wanted to throw it out anyway and not carry it alone. You know, in case it’s not nothing. Or something.