If I was young, I’d flee this town. I’d bury my dreams underground. Let the season begin.
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Submitted by courtnee in status updates - 06.09.10 - 11:32 am
If I was young, I’d flee this town. I’d bury my dreams underground. Let the season begin. Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.24.10 - 10:15 am
Steady growth over the last two years. In the black since establishing my business in 2008. Clients trickling in from Yelp finally. Groupon return rate holding at 10%. Attracting the kind of clients I want. Booked in advance. Hitting my ceiling of 12 clients a week consistently. Doing awesome, creative, challenging work with people. This is good. This is really good! Thank you to everyone who’s helped facilitate my growth in being self employed. I’m very grateful to be steadily moving toward my goals, especially in this economy! Please keep helping! Here’s how:
Promoting yourself is hard work. Discounts, freebies, extended hours, and other compensations take their toll when you’re invested in building a new practice. All that hard work is really starting to pay off. I’m excited and hopeful. Thank you for your support. I’m here if you need me! Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.12.10 - 11:28 pm
*sigh* Man.. this is probably going to be kind of a ramble.. “Courtnee Papastathis has performed as Zita the Aerialist since 2005. During
Others, I have insecurity and doubt to deal with, or I’m worried about my body being hurt, or I’m highly invested in the emotional weight of the work I am presenting and going out there feels heavy, sometimes even scary. Last night I had all of those things. It was potentially the last aerial performance I will do, and surely the last one I will do for a while. That was hard and sad and exhilarating at times, and it made for some emotional components to be present that I hadn’t gone through in a while.
That said, some of these girls can do things I will never be able to do in less time than it took me to learn how to do a fucking hip lock – things I’ve wanted to do, tried to do and, depending on my perspective, failed at. In a way it can be hard to follow up someone who’s produced a rope act that embodied what I wanted to bring to rope the first 4 years of my aerial experience and never could.
The fact that I can’t even come close to doing the splits, that I don’t have a gymnastics or dance background and that I was a professional drug abuser in my youth rather than an athlete inspires and comforts my beginning aerial students. I have a triumphant and inspiring story to tell. That’s why I like teaching beginners – I want them to know that you don’t have to be a superhuman contortionist to be an aerial performer, and I want them to know that a lot earlier than I did.
Stay tuned for more events. Maybe this is the time in my life where I learn to be graceful on the ground. *sniffle* (Thank you, John Cornicello, for the lovely images, and for allowing me to post produce them) Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.16.09 - 1:46 am
I feel fortunate and full today. I am going to DEFCON this year. I just received my itinerary from whitetras and it’s official. I’m bringing someone important to me to show him vegas for the first time. I first went in 1995, when I was 15 and neck deep in linux, drugs and Marlboro Reds, and I’d recently discovered this thing called the web, and frequently picked fights about Slackware being superior to RedHat. I recall, during a recent move, finally throwing away my Slackware 2.7 CD which I had been keeping for posterity. I went to defcon religiously for a time, my entire social network of people living inside a computer. I didn’t know most of their real names. I spent night after late night online tinkering, listening to music for the jilted generation (come to think of it, I think someone I talked to used ‘jilted’ as a handle..) and waiting for the next defcon, so I could see all these people in person again – and hardly remember most of it. When I got a little older, I started playing with music, and joined mp3.com in 1997. The internet was still like the wild west and we were changing everything. My hacker friends helped me choose my juno 106 (thanks tfish) and hooked me up with equipment to make recording easier (tip of the hat to you whiteknight). After I created my first original song in 1999, on the floor of my living room, juno fresh out of its shipping box, paid for with my job breaking software at Microsoft, I started making a little money with CD sales and streams on mp3.com. I was interviewed with ABCNews for an article on female hackers, and later about my music being online, based on a recommendation from Jeff Moss, assuring the reporter (Sascha, another person I’ve kept in touch with) I was definitely not a scene whore. I’m not sure how accurate that assurance was, but it sure felt good at the time. I still boast that Jeff pierced my navel, under mild duress in my studio apartment, sometime in 1999. That sounds pretty scene whorish to me, but who am I to say. Maybe we were just, you know.. friends. Countless things have happened since my first defcon, and my introduction to the hacker community. My first website complete with a blue satin background and ripped off animated fire gifs was created in 1995, hosting a splattering of terrible teenage poetry. In 1997, Lars from the IRC channel #suicide sent me a black and white quickcam, and the neecam was put online, one of the first webcams during the era of Jennicam and Anacam, both of which were more popular, active and racy. I’ve occasionally contemplated what my life would have been like had I never discovered the internet and been part of a revolution. I can’t fathom it. I can’t fathom how I could have possibly found another pool of socially awkward, skinny, pale, wide-eyed geniuses to have sloppy, dysfunctional teenage relationships with either. One of many reasons I am very thankful that my life turned out how it did. I happened upon this awesome article about some of my friends. The L0pht is a fine example of what’s happened with this culture of misfits and criminals, but this is something that’s happened all over the landscape we built 10 years ago and long before that. I remember writing a rant about the difference between the hackers, my friends, and the script kids that were getting all the bad press, writing worms and breaking websites for attention. The hackers meant for what’s described in this article to happen from the beginning. They were out to change the world.
I’m so very proud of my friends, and feel fortunate today to have had these people in my life as examples. Hell, just today I discovered a hacker friend of mine, Josh Klein (who I met after handles weren’t quite so important to ones safety, so I don’t know his) was not only the speaker in a TED talk, some of the most amazing presentations on the planet, but was in Oprah fucking magazine talking about his passions and experiments. My peeps are DOING something. I, too, am out there doing my part to make a dent in the universe. I support a company I believe in as I make my base living to earn the stable springboard life situation I’ve built to do my more risky work. I’ve found a way to channel my compulsion to express and tell vivid stories, and the skills I’ve picked up along the way, toward a non-profit that matters. I have done some meaningful things, and I am growing, expanding, discovering new routes and possibilities nearly every day. I’ve come a long way from the girl who was found passed out under a van before defcon 6 had even started. For a time, I wondered if my life choices, and the people I spent time with, were the reason I seemed so fucked up and constantly struggling. I wonder 15 years later, if they’re a part of the reason that, right now, I’m not. Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.07.08 - 10:12 am
Right now, we’re going through the visioning portion of the curriculum at Brian Utting, which has us all thinking about what our life mission is and how a massage career (not to mention the process of massage school) fits into what we’d like to do in the world and who we are. I’ve created a set of Johari and Nohari windows for myself today. I would very much appreciate the input of my friends and associates in filling them out. It’s essentially an interactive personality profile to assist in uncovering holes in your perception of self vs. how you come across to the people around you. Some may recall that I did this many years ago, when I was struggling with what in the world to do with myself and my life. I got a lot of useful feedback. I am interested in comparing what has changed since then, and what hasn’t. I feel quite different, quite evolved, from the person I was when I last asked myself and my friends what most applied to me as a person. I love this kind of stuff, and I encourage those who choose to participate to be completely honest, even with the Nohari, which is considered the ‘negative’ one of the two. Your opinion is invaluable, even if you only know me online or not very well. Thank you for considering taking the time and thought into participating. I’m happy to return the effort for anyone who wants to make profiles for themselves, also. It’s simple, and free. http://kevan.org/johari?name=neevita http://kevan.org/nohari?name=neevita I’m open to sharing the old windows, for anyone who’s interested in seeing them, after filling out the ‘new’ one. Just ping me for the urls. Namaste, motherfucker. Submitted by courtnee in public - 02.21.07 - 9:21 am
Am I actually in week 6 already? I should know about my quiz today or tomorrow, though I feel confident that I passed. I know I got some things wrong and didn’t do perfectly (fucking fibroblasts!! *fistshake* curse yoooou!), and I’m fine with that. We’re getting into pathology now, which is very, very scary. Being alive in an overpopulated time that’s due for a major spring cleaning is pretty gut wrenching, and when you look at the cycles in history it’s quite apparent that it’s only a matter of time before half the people who are alive right now are wiped out by some killer disease. Makes me want to go out and get vaccinated for everything, even shit that is supposedly extinct, and to take my cod liver oil and juice plus religeously :) And man, I knew I wasn’t crazy for being very , very disgusted and annoyed at people who spit on the sidewalk. Fucking god that’s horrifying. I gave an -awesome- massage in class last night, my partner was blown away. There were a number of times we both felt energy surges at the same time and things like that. I felt very capable and good at what I do – and to top it off, head and neck are my weakest link. So I just used the handouts as a guide and pretty much did what my hands and heart told me to do, and shared a very intense experience that I could actually see and feel in her tissue. It was rad. Exactly what I am here for. I’ve decided to go into debt so I can afford a studio apartment in a low income housing project downtown. I can’t handle this fucking uncertainy, it’s driving me nuts and I am beginning to develop an unhealthy dislike for my suitcase. Should know for sure at the end of the week if I am moving in March 1 – passed the credit check, now they have to check refs and verify my income. I feel like falling over in a heap somewhere and sleeping for days. Submitted by courtnee in public - 10.11.06 - 10:33 am
In addition to working, doing the nutcracker, getting sick from the Nuva Ring and being horrified by the Animal Talk Break-in (update about it here: http://community.livejournal.com/seattle/4002758.html) I have also been in an epic struggle to choose between the Brian Utting school of massage, and Brenneke. It’s been hard, but I have finally decided that I will start school on January 16th at Brian Utting. The fact is, it’s always been about Utting. I love it there, the people love me, it’s got a great atmosphere and they pride themselves on providing not only excellent education, but a breeding ground for personal growth, which is exactly what I am looking for in the experience. Brenneke was in the running because the schedule was a little less demanding and it was still close enough to work for me to go, but I didn’t really feel an affinity toward the place or the staff like I did with Utting. One of the big things I had to accept in trying to decide upon schools, is that no matter where I study, aerials will fall to the wayside. I spent a lot of mental energy trying to think of a way to preserve my training schedule with bev, and for a good while I was considering settling on the school I didn’t want to enable that. Realistically, though, working full time and going to school will get busy, and the first thing that will go will be aerial training. It’s best to just accept that as part of doing this and go where I know I will enjoy my education, than to settle on where I know I won’t to try to preserve something that will have to bend anyway. It’s been a very powerful and emotional experience deciding and commiting to doing this. Not only does it integrate seamlessly into my journey of personal growth and healing, once I am a licensed LMP I will have the freedom to work on my own terms, for myself, and be able to make all the time for myself that I want. I know I enjoy and am good at massage, the vocation is more than just a job for me – it’s a wholistic path I’ve chosen to continue to allow the greatness in me to blossom and be shared in by others. To give you guys an idea of how my life is going to be pretty much the minute I get back from my holiday in NYC, heres a rundown of my projected schedule requirements: Work: Monday – Friday 8:30a to 5:10p Lunches from 1-2 which will usually be Study or Massage practice time, possible ability to study during downtimes because my boss is really rad and supportive. At School:Monday – Thursday 6:30p – 10:30p + one Saturday a month 9a – 6p. There are a few workshops and possibly extra electives if I decide to do that which will eat up weekends here and there, but for the most part this is my in-class schedule for the 18 months I will be in school. Outside of School: 3 (possibly 4.5, not sure yet) hours of charted practice massage on friends/students per week, 1.5 hours of receiving student massage per week, 6-10 hours study/homework per week. As you can see, Monday-Thursday is booked totally solid with work and School. This leaves Friday evenings (I will no longer have half-fridays starting 12/06) and Sundays open for practice massage, studying, and downtime. Most Saturdays will be free for aerial training in the mornings and catch up massage practice/study, and maybe a little art or something. There is also a small gap between School and Work where I can get some cardio in at a gym or hang with Chrissy and eat dinners, but that gap will disappear when and if the school moves to the east side as is the intention of the Cortiva Insitute which newly owns both Brian Utting and Brenneke and doesn’t want them right next to each other any longer. The possible move was a big blocking factor in my decision for a long time, until I talked with the school president and felt comfortable in their intentions not to damage the possibility of success for their current students. They are anticipating moving in Jan of 08 but it may take longer to secure the right space, I hope I hope, and it’s possible I will be able to finish out my education downtown. The best part about all this is that I don’t have to go into any debt, my job will cover my schooling expenses. The life plan still remains the same, a few more years here with my awesome support structure and familiarity while I get my foundation set, then on to NYC. 3-5 years, I suspect. Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.02.06 - 3:03 pm
Finished shooting The Spirit today, that crew is a lot of fun. Hopefully I’ll do decently at keeping in touch with them as life rolls along. Shooting outdoors wasn’t much different than shooting indoors, except the constant stream of cars messing up our shots and the fistful of crackheads hanging around the SFI being weird and distracting. It made for a few good laughs. I’m hoping to do some more film and a stage production when I get back from the east coast (leaving on the 12th and coming back the 24th). It would be nice to do one more of each this year at least, and it would make me happy to get on a stage sometime. I really, really want to try my hand at stage work, but it’s kinda tough to do that with a chunk of travel time coming up. I suspect it will be more reasonable to do stage work when I am not leaving for large spans of time during summer productions. Submitted by courtnee in members only - 09.05.00 - 7:30 pm
For show and touring information, time lines, sound tracks (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED), more beautiful pictures, 360 degree stage displays and the opportunity to purchase cirque merchandise, visit their exceptional web site at http://cirquedusoleil.com After seeing Mystere in las vegas.. I have become absolutely fascinated with joining Cirque Du Soleil. I have put my original music composition on hold in order to practice the style of singing that cirque uses, as well as tracking down a gymnastics center that will train me privately since there are no classes in existence for students of my age group. I practice singing to the live Mystere sound track at least once throughout a day, and have working with the Saltimbanco track as well.. though it isnt as rewarding to sing to because the recording isnt live. I also rented Algeria, the movie.. which wasnt a show exactly but more of a love story. What I remember most about the story was the ring master talking to all the performers before the show, after his daughter left to be with her true love. He drew a line in the sand on the ground and asked his hoop artist to cross over it, then asked if she understood what she had just done. When she said no, he explain that she had stepped from the dark into the light. They are the dark. We are the light. We are the smiles, the ambition. The show is to bring light to those who live primarily in the dark. When you are in the light you forget about your problems, about your hardships, and you shed that light on all who have come to see you perform. Thats exactly the way I feel. I want to do it to make people happy, just as becoming a trance DJ was for the joy of making people happy. It’s all about doing something that matters, and makes a difference. I think have -finally- found the perfect way for me to do that. After seeing Saltimbanco twice while they were in town here, and being witness to the diversity and energy present in cirques traveling shows, I have decided that rather than be stuck up on a balcony singing for a resident show in a less than desirable area (vegas or Orlando.. ugh.) I would like to travel with them. According to Susan, one of the singers with the show whom I had the pleasure of meeting, Saltimbanco is the only current show in which the singers are an active participant on stage rather than being on the sidelines. They performed chinese poles in both Mystere and Saltimbanco.. it just absolutely fascinated me. The performers wear special shoes to help them grip.. but the poles are indeed smooth metal. The pressure on your arms and wrists alone during some of the performance is enough to fracture bones if you are not properly trained. If you have ever seen a cirque du soleil show LIVE (TV does NOT fucking count you posers!) you will notice that most of the performers do more than one type of amazing act. In Saltimbanco, one person i noticed in particular was part of bungee, chinese poles, russian swing and assisted in almost every other act in the show. It’s amazing what awesome characters are involved in the making of the show, and how easy it is to become totally entranced in their stories. With Mystere, the theater was so huge it was hard to tell who was who, but on the up side i was far enough away to see everything that is going on. One thing about cirque is that there is ALWAYS more than one point of interest in every act, even if the lighting focuses on one character for a while. I am also interested in duo trapeze, russian swing and contortion. Circus – celebration of life, exploration and the joy of experiencing it. |
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