• I have a horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I haven’t felt in a couple years. I don’t like it.

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Submitted by courtnee in status updates - 06.09.10 - 11:32 am

If I was young, I’d flee this town. I’d bury my dreams underground. Let the season begin.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.24.10 - 10:15 am

Artful Touch is really happening!

Steady growth over the last two years. In the black since establishing my business in 2008. Clients trickling in from Yelp finally. Groupon return rate holding at 10%. Attracting the kind of clients I want. Booked in advance. Hitting my ceiling of 12 clients a week consistently. Doing awesome, creative, challenging work with people.

This is good. This is really good! Thank you to everyone who’s helped facilitate my growth in being self employed. I’m very grateful to be steadily moving toward my goals, especially in this economy! Please keep helping! Here’s how:

  • Take a moment to review me on Yelp. They’ve added transparency to their service which make them a more trustworthy information source, and since then I’ve noticed that people are contacting me now based on my Yelp listing. http://www.yelp.com/biz/artful-touch-massage-seattle
  • Refer people to me! Your referrals are the greatest compliment to me. If you know someone who would benefit from my work, let them know about me. http://artfultouch.info
  • Tell me about promotions! I never considered doing Groupon until a co-worker at Qliance suggested I try it, and it’s been awesome for getting clients in the door. Let me know if you hear of anything cool sounding.
  • Buy a gift certificate. I sell em, they’re pretty and printed and everything! A massage is an awesome no-brainer, yet incredibly throughful gift to give someone special in your life, and you can buy them online. http://artfultouch.info/seattle-massage.html
  • Come in and get work done. You KNOW you want to!

Promoting yourself is hard work. Discounts, freebies, extended hours, and other compensations take their toll when you’re invested in building a new practice. All that hard work is really starting to pay off. I’m excited and hopeful. Thank you for your support. I’m here if you need me!

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.12.10 - 11:28 pm

There must be something in the Air

*sigh* Man.. this is probably going to be kind of a ramble..

“Courtnee Papastathis has performed as Zita the Aerialist since 2005. During
that time her focus has been to tell compelling stories through her aerial
performances. The act you just saw was an illustration of the struggle to
shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and
how sex contributes to the art of self discovery. It’s also a really awesome
excuse to be naked.”

cornicello-100609-8403-nee I was uncharacteristically nervous and emotionally raw before my first act, even for me at my most nervous I tend to get at this point in my career. I just couldn’t shake it. Performing, much as the rest of my life, brings an ebb and flow to things. Some days I’m calm as a cucumber, quietly beckoning the universe to bring it on.

Others, I have insecurity and doubt to deal with, or I’m worried about my body being hurt, or I’m highly invested in the emotional weight of the work I am presenting and going out there feels heavy, sometimes even scary.

Last night I had all of those things. It was potentially the last aerial performance I will do, and surely the last one I will do for a while. That was hard and sad and exhilarating at times, and it made for some emotional components to be present that I hadn’t gone through in a while.

cornicello-100609-8412-nee I was also performing in an all aerial show, which can be harder on my self esteem and individualism than being the aerialist in a theater show. Even when I wasn’t looking, there were little things popping up, reminding me that I am just a drop of water in an endless sea. All the acts were very different, and all the acts were very good. We do what we do well and I am proud to be a part of such a high caliber production with such talented and creative people.

That said, some of these girls can do things I will never be able to do in less time than it took me to learn how to do a fucking hip lock – things I’ve wanted to do, tried to do and, depending on my perspective, failed at. In a way it can be hard to follow up someone who’s produced a rope act that embodied what I wanted to bring to rope the first 4 years of my aerial experience and never could.

cornicello-100609-8418-nee On the flip side, what I bring to my work is unique and powerful, and I know that. In accepting my bodies abilities and limits, I’ve created the space to expose myself in a way that audiences rarely get to see and I am amazing at doing it. Maybe I can’t do open legged drops without wrecking my hips, and maybe my toes won’t splay the right way so I can do a toe climb, but god dammit when I am out there I own the living shit out of it. I own the living shit out of you.

The fact that I can’t even come close to doing the splits, that I don’t have a gymnastics or dance background and that I was a professional drug abuser in my youth rather than an athlete inspires and comforts my beginning aerial students. I have a triumphant and inspiring story to tell. That’s why I like teaching beginners – I want them to know that you don’t have to be a superhuman contortionist to be an aerial performer, and I want them to know that a lot earlier than I did.

cornicello-100609-8437-nee Truly performing, for me, is taking people on a stirring emotional journey – along something that runs deep and strong in us as humans. Whether it’s my music, pretending to be a dancer or climbing things, that doesn’t change much. Sometimes I’ll put on a super cute outfit, hop up on a trapeze and practice while people are watching, and that’s really fun and fueling in its own right, but it’s not a true performance of mine. It’s not the meat and the heart of what I go out there for.

28610_397536341723_593881723_4342470_920333_n I brought that meat and heart and blood and guts and spit last night. People who had no idea of the health issues I am dealing with, or that I am potentially retiring from performing aerial, told me to keep doing what I’m doing with tears in their eyes. They told me it felt like an honor to be in the audience. They told me how inspired they were to create their own magic on a stage and share it. That’s the transformative power of the arts and it’s a beautiful thing that I feel grateful and privileged to have been able to cultivate for the last 5 years. Whatever comes after this, I’ll always carry that with me.

Stay tuned for more events. Maybe this is the time in my life where I learn to be graceful on the ground.

*sniffle*

(Thank you, John Cornicello, for the lovely images, and for allowing me to post produce them)

NOTICE: racy, lengthly, or outdated content ahead »

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 11.09.09 - 2:52 pm

Lego – http://xkcd.com/659/

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.16.09 - 1:46 am

Ah, nostalgia..

I feel fortunate and full today. I am going to DEFCON this year. I just received my itinerary from whitetras and it’s official. I’m bringing someone important to me to show him vegas for the first time.

I first went in 1995, when I was 15 and neck deep in linux, drugs and Marlboro Reds, and I’d recently discovered this thing called the web, and frequently picked fights about Slackware being superior to RedHat. I recall, during a recent move, finally throwing away my Slackware 2.7 CD which I had been keeping for posterity.

I went to defcon religiously for a time, my entire social network of people living inside a computer. I didn’t know most of their real names. I spent night after late night online tinkering, listening to music for the jilted generation (come to think of it, I think someone I talked to used ‘jilted’ as a handle..) and waiting for the next defcon, so I could see all these people in person again – and hardly remember most of it.

When I got a little older, I started playing with music, and joined mp3.com in 1997. The internet was still like the wild west and we were changing everything. My hacker friends helped me choose my juno 106 (thanks tfish) and hooked me up with equipment to make recording easier (tip of the hat to you whiteknight). After I created my first original song in 1999, on the floor of my living room, juno fresh out of its shipping box, paid for with my job breaking software at Microsoft, I started making a little money with CD sales and streams on mp3.com.

I was interviewed with ABCNews for an article on female hackers, and later about my music being online, based on a recommendation from Jeff Moss, assuring the reporter (Sascha, another person I’ve kept in touch with) I was definitely not a scene whore. I’m not sure how accurate that assurance was, but it sure felt good at the time. I still boast that Jeff pierced my navel, under mild duress in my studio apartment, sometime in 1999. That sounds pretty scene whorish to me, but who am I to say. Maybe we were just, you know.. friends.

Countless things have happened since my first defcon, and my introduction to the hacker community. My first website complete with a blue satin background and ripped off animated fire gifs was created in 1995, hosting a splattering of terrible teenage poetry. In 1997, Lars from the IRC channel #suicide sent me a black and white quickcam, and the neecam was put online, one of the first webcams during the era of Jennicam and Anacam, both of which were more popular, active and racy.

I’ve occasionally contemplated what my life would have been like had I never discovered the internet and been part of a revolution. I can’t fathom it. I can’t fathom how I could have possibly found another pool of socially awkward, skinny, pale, wide-eyed geniuses to have sloppy, dysfunctional teenage relationships with either. One of many reasons I am very thankful that my life turned out how it did.

I happened upon this awesome article about some of my friends. The L0pht is a fine example of what’s happened with this culture of misfits and criminals, but this is something that’s happened all over the landscape we built 10 years ago and long before that. I remember writing a rant about the difference between the hackers, my friends, and the script kids that were getting all the bad press, writing worms and breaking websites for attention. The hackers meant for what’s described in this article to happen from the beginning. They were out to change the world.

LOpht in Transition
04/01/2007
Michael Fitzgerald/CSO

http://www.csoonline.com/read/040107/fea_lopht.html

Brian Oblivion. Kingpin. Mudge. Space Rogue. Stefan von Neumann. Tan. Weld Pond. That’s how the hacker group called the L0pht appeared before the Senate Subcommittee on Government Cybersecurity on May 19, 1998. They said, among other things, that they could take down the Internet in 30 minutes. The senators listened closely and afterward praised them effusively.

It was a landmark moment for hackers, shunned, derided and loathed by the technology industry. And it was a landmark for the L0pht too. Though the group was already known for its vulnerability disclosures, for the Hacker News Network, for tools like the hash cracking tool L0phtCrack, now “everybody [in the hacking community] wanted to be the L0pht,” remembers Jeff Moss, founder of the Black Hat and Defcon security conferences.

Not bad for a group that got its start when someone’s wife said it was time to get his computers out of the bathtub.

The L0pht shaped the way disclosures are handled and helped force vendors like Microsoft to change the way they address software security flaws. There’s no question, either, that by raising the visibility of security problems, the group spurred companies to begin paying more attention to security. “You knew you’d better rattle your own doorknobs before the hackers did,” says John Pescatore, a longtime information security analyst at Gartner.

Some think, though, that visibility has hurt software security. “They were the Led Zeppelin of gray hat hacking,” says Marcus Ranum, who is credited with creating the first commercial firewall product and is now CSO at Tenable Network Security. “By releasing gray hat tools and techniques they were able to get a tremendous amount of attention. And they opened the floodgates for all the bottom feeders that followed them.”

Ironically, it was Ranum himself who helped give the L0pht credibility. As CEO of NFR, which made software to find intruders on corporate networks, Ranum used the L0pht’s vulnerability research to strengthen his product, and hired the L0pht both to do a code review and to write modules for his product, giving the group a legitimate corporate client to tout. He says he considers the L0pht members his friends and says they are “great guys.” But he thinks those who have followed them find vulnerabilities almost as a way to blackmail corporations. He blames the L0pht, saying, “They have changed the industry for the worse.”

Nothing in the L0pht’s emergence from Boston’s bulletin board community in 1992 suggested it would achieve any more notoriety than other hacker collectives of the day. Brian Oblivion, a hacker with strong interests in radio communications, founded the group. Oblivion declined to be interviewed for this article, saying via Space Rogue that he was too busy. Chris Wysopal, who joined the L0pht in late 1992 as Weld Pond (a handle chosen by pointing at random at a map of the Boston area, because the bulletin board The Works forbade members to use real names), says that Oblivion “had so many computers in the bathroom that his wife couldn’t use it anymore.” She gave the group space in the South End artist’s loft where she made hats. And for several years, the L0pht was just a place for Oblivion and his friends to hang out after work and store their growing collection of computing equipment.

Among those friends were Space Rogue and a teenage hacker and skateboarder named Joe Grand, who went by the handle Kingpin (named for the bolt that runs through the truck, or axle, of a skateboard).

Grand calls from the road. He’s often on the road, literally—he is a triathlete good enough to have a sponsor. He’s 31 now and runs his own San Diego design shop, Grand Idea Studio, which has designed RFID and GPS modules for Parallax, an in-game videocamera for Gamecaster, and his best design yet, a video game accessory that he has licensed but can’t talk about.

Grand, an electrical engineer, has also written two books on hardware hacking and is a technical adviser to Make magazine. If all goes well with a pilot he’s recently shot, this fall we’ll see him on an engineering show on the Discovery Channel. Yet he’s nostalgic about the L0pht.

“I’m having a really hard time with realizing that I’m twice as old as when I joined the L0pht,” he says. “We did so many great things—what can I do to top that?”

The L0pht originally built a network so they could play Doom against each other. But they got more serious in 1994 and 1995, shedding some members and adding others with specific technical skills that complemented the group. They moved to a larger space in Watertown, Mass.

Excepting Grand, who was still in high school, all of the L0pht held various day jobs, often working together at places like Comp­USA, Massachusetts General Hospital or BBN Technologies, the fabled research lab (Weld Pond, Brian Oblivion, Mudge and Silicosis all worked there at some point). They kept their identities hidden, in part to keep their day jobs. Everyone in the hacking community knew Dan Farmer had been fired from his job for releasing the Satan network analyzer. But the group wanted to turn the L0pht into a day job.

The charismatic, long-tressed Peiter “Mudge” Zatko had emerged as the group’s public face, if not its de facto leader. He developed, along with Wysopal, L0phtCrack, a tool that revealed weak passwords. Released in 1997, it’s still available on some websites today. “Back then, the companies would pretend [vulnerabilities] weren’t real,” says Bruce Schneier, the noted cryptographer and CTO of BT Counterpane. Schneier says the L0pht’s ability to build tools like L0phtCrack forced vendors to address security problems. “That’s the reason we have more secure software today. If it wasn’t for that, Microsoft would still be belittling, insulting and suing researchers,” he says.

By late 1998, the L0pht was actively trying to attract venture capital and turn itself into a real business—it had pushed out Stefan von Neumann and a couple of other short-lived members, and hired Christien Rioux (known as Dildog) and Paul Nash (known as Silicosis) to support L0phtCrack and do custom work for companies like NFR. The L0pht was not the first group of hackers to offer professional services or tools, but even in the giddy late 1990s, hackers still had an unsavory reputation. Finally, @stake, a security consulting firm, came to the group with $10 million in VC money and told the L0pht it could continue its research. The members voted to join it.

Even so, that merger, announced Jan. 10, 2000, marked the symbolic end of the L0pht. Over the next few years, its members were fired or drifted away, and @stake itself was gobbled up by Symantec in 2004. The only member of the L0pht still there is Nash. The transition was particularly difficult for Zatko, who spent six months on disability and left @stake after just two years.

Today, Zatko’s office at BBN is a rest area for sundry things. There’s a dead computer on a chair, and a working circa-1940s polygraph machine on a table. In a corner are two fishing rods and an antenna, part of an impromptu communications experiment. There’s a guitar signed by one-time porn stars Barbara Dare and Jamie Summers. A bound copy of the L0pht’s testimony in front of the Senate is on a shelf. On one wall hangs a picture of him with President Bill Clinton and Vinton Cerf, in which Zatko’s light brown hair is still rock-star length. It’s short now, parted in the middle. He has a goatee and wears glasses. He’s sore from a boxing workout the night before, a reminder that he’s in his late 30s.

Zatko says he can’t talk about what he does at BBN, other than to say it’s security-related and for some unmentionable three-lettered government agencies. He also says he returned to BBN, which employed him in the 1990s, before the L0pht was his job, in part because BBN told him there could be no publicity about the projects he was working on. “That was attractive as hell,” he says.

But Zatko can’t seem to stay out of the spotlight. He is the obvious model for “Soxster,” one of the main characters in former cyberczar Richard A. Clarke’s new novel, Breakpoint (the L0pht itself appears as “the Dugout”). And he acknowledges that he still “wants to make a dent in the universe,” the old motto of the L0pht.

After an hour of talking about the L0pht, Zatko suggests a tour of the older parts of the BBN laboratory in Cambridge, dating from when it was an acoustics consultancy. He shows off the silent room, the amplification room, the sonar tank, the place where it developed Boomerang—a technology being used in Iraq to help find snipers—and he talks about how much he likes the variety of the cool ideas BBN pursues.

“Originally, the L0pht was meant as a microcosm of here,” he says, with a wistful expression.

The spirit of the L0pht lives on most directly at Veracode, the security software company started by Wysopal and Rioux after they left Symantec in 2005. The company launched at the RSA Security Conference in February.

Wysopal post-L0pht helped codify responsible disclosure policies and establish the Organization of Internet Safety, and while starting Veracode he also managed to be lead author of The Art of Software Security Testing, published in December 2006.

Wysopal, at a rangy 6 foot 2 inches, was the tallest member of the L0pht and the oldest (he’s now 41). Rioux (whose handle Dildog was the original name Dilbert creator Scott Adams gave to Dogbert) was the shortest and youngest (now 29).

In early January, sitting in the conference room at Veracode, the two play Click-and-Clack about their time at the L0pht, and the purpose of Veracode, which in a real sense extends the L0pht’s mission: to make software more secure, in this case by offering a Web-based service that automatically checks software for security flaws, via a clever—and patented—technique for data flow modeling and modeling control flow analysis developed by Rioux.

Told of Ranum’s comments, Rioux makes a slight grimace. “The days are over when we should be flinging mud over the Internet about vulnerabilities,” he says.

Veracode has pulled in $19.5 million in capital from Polaris Venture Partners, Atlas Venture and .406 Ventures. While it has competitors, such as Coverity, Fortify and Ounce Labs, Veracode’s approach is “a cool spin” on existing security technology, according to Gartner’s Pescatore.

Both Wysopal and Rioux believe Veracode is ready to sharply reduce the world’s total number of software vulnerabilities.

The L0pht, then, are all now unquestionably legitimate, and their evolution serves as a metaphor for the security business, which is now mainstream. Companies like Microsoft and Oracle have developed methods to take care of vulnerabilities, and the L0pht deserves some credit for that turn of events. While the disclosure wars are again raging, thanks to bug-a-day campaigns and other ploys by the hackers of today, the L0pht’s overall impact on corporate security has been positive, say many, including Howard Schmidt, who knew the L0pht both in his role as a computer forensics investigator at the Air Force and as CSO at Microsoft.

Still, some vendors continue to try to shove security issues under the rug, and there is no question that more of the Internet is under attack today than ever before. So what of that?

Peter Neumann (no relation to the L0pht’s Stefan von Neumann) is 74 and still a principal scientist at SRI, working on security issues. He also testified before the Senate subcommittee on that day in May 1998. He says security vulnerabilities are a part of a much bigger set of problems that have existed for 40 years and probably will exist 40 years from now. But he chuckles when asked about the L0pht, saying, “They were pointing out that the emperor has no clothes on, and nobody wants to hear that, but they did it in a tasteful way that made people listen. They made a difference.”

I’m so very proud of my friends, and feel fortunate today to have had these people in my life as examples. Hell, just today I discovered a hacker friend of mine, Josh Klein (who I met after handles weren’t quite so important to ones safety, so I don’t know his) was not only the speaker in a TED talk, some of the most amazing presentations on the planet, but was in Oprah fucking magazine talking about his passions and experiments. My peeps are DOING something.

I, too, am out there doing my part to make a dent in the universe. I support a company I believe in as I make my base living to earn the stable springboard life situation I’ve built to do my more risky work. I’ve found a way to channel my compulsion to express and tell vivid stories, and the skills I’ve picked up along the way, toward a non-profit that matters. I have done some meaningful things, and I am growing, expanding, discovering new routes and possibilities nearly every day. I’ve come a long way from the girl who was found passed out under a van before defcon 6 had even started.

For a time, I wondered if my life choices, and the people I spent time with, were the reason I seemed so fucked up and constantly struggling. I wonder 15 years later, if they’re a part of the reason that, right now, I’m not.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.07.08 - 10:12 am

Neevita's Johari and Nohari windows

Right now, we’re going through the visioning portion of the curriculum at Brian Utting, which has us all thinking about what our life mission is and how a massage career (not to mention the process of massage school) fits into what we’d like to do in the world and who we are.

I’ve created a set of Johari and Nohari windows for myself today. I would very much appreciate the input of my friends and associates in filling them out. It’s essentially an interactive personality profile to assist in uncovering holes in your perception of self vs. how you come across to the people around you.

Some may recall that I did this many years ago, when I was struggling with what in the world to do with myself and my life. I got a lot of useful feedback. I am interested in comparing what has changed since then, and what hasn’t. I feel quite different, quite evolved, from the person I was when I last asked myself and my friends what most applied to me as a person.

I love this kind of stuff, and I encourage those who choose to participate to be completely honest, even with the Nohari, which is considered the ‘negative’ one of the two. Your opinion is invaluable, even if you only know me online or not very well. Thank you for considering taking the time and thought into participating. I’m happy to return the effort for anyone who wants to make profiles for themselves, also. It’s simple, and free.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=neevita

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=neevita

I’m open to sharing the old windows, for anyone who’s interested in seeing them, after filling out the ‘new’ one. Just ping me for the urls. Namaste, motherfucker.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 02.21.07 - 9:21 am

BU Week 6

Am I actually in week 6 already?

I should know about my quiz today or tomorrow, though I feel confident that I passed. I know I got some things wrong and didn’t do perfectly (fucking fibroblasts!! *fistshake* curse yoooou!), and I’m fine with that.

We’re getting into pathology now, which is very, very scary. Being alive in an overpopulated time that’s due for a major spring cleaning is pretty gut wrenching, and when you look at the cycles in history it’s quite apparent that it’s only a matter of time before half the people who are alive right now are wiped out by some killer disease. Makes me want to go out and get vaccinated for everything, even shit that is supposedly extinct, and to take my cod liver oil and juice plus religeously :)

And man, I knew I wasn’t crazy for being very , very disgusted and annoyed at people who spit on the sidewalk. Fucking god that’s horrifying.

I gave an -awesome- massage in class last night, my partner was blown away. There were a number of times we both felt energy surges at the same time and things like that. I felt very capable and good at what I do – and to top it off, head and neck are my weakest link. So I just used the handouts as a guide and pretty much did what my hands and heart told me to do, and shared a very intense experience that I could actually see and feel in her tissue. It was rad. Exactly what I am here for.

I’ve decided to go into debt so I can afford a studio apartment in a low income housing project downtown. I can’t handle this fucking uncertainy, it’s driving me nuts and I am beginning to develop an unhealthy dislike for my suitcase. Should know for sure at the end of the week if I am moving in March 1 – passed the credit check, now they have to check refs and verify my income.

I feel like falling over in a heap somewhere and sleeping for days.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 10.11.06 - 10:33 am

What's been going on lately

In addition to working, doing the nutcracker, getting sick from the Nuva Ring and being horrified by the Animal Talk Break-in (update about it here: http://community.livejournal.com/seattle/4002758.html) I have also been in an epic struggle to choose between the Brian Utting school of massage, and Brenneke. It’s been hard, but I have finally decided that I will start school on January 16th at Brian Utting.

The fact is, it’s always been about Utting. I love it there, the people love me, it’s got a great atmosphere and they pride themselves on providing not only excellent education, but a breeding ground for personal growth, which is exactly what I am looking for in the experience. Brenneke was in the running because the schedule was a little less demanding and it was still close enough to work for me to go, but I didn’t really feel an affinity toward the place or the staff like I did with Utting.

One of the big things I had to accept in trying to decide upon schools, is that no matter where I study, aerials will fall to the wayside. I spent a lot of mental energy trying to think of a way to preserve my training schedule with bev, and for a good while I was considering settling on the school I didn’t want to enable that. Realistically, though, working full time and going to school will get busy, and the first thing that will go will be aerial training. It’s best to just accept that as part of doing this and go where I know I will enjoy my education, than to settle on where I know I won’t to try to preserve something that will have to bend anyway.

It’s been a very powerful and emotional experience deciding and commiting to doing this. Not only does it integrate seamlessly into my journey of personal growth and healing, once I am a licensed LMP I will have the freedom to work on my own terms, for myself, and be able to make all the time for myself that I want. I know I enjoy and am good at massage, the vocation is more than just a job for me – it’s a wholistic path I’ve chosen to continue to allow the greatness in me to blossom and be shared in by others.

To give you guys an idea of how my life is going to be pretty much the minute I get back from my holiday in NYC, heres a rundown of my projected schedule requirements:

Work: Monday – Friday 8:30a to 5:10p Lunches from 1-2 which will usually be Study or Massage practice time, possible ability to study during downtimes because my boss is really rad and supportive.

At School:Monday – Thursday 6:30p – 10:30p + one Saturday a month 9a – 6p. There are a few workshops and possibly extra electives if I decide to do that which will eat up weekends here and there, but for the most part this is my in-class schedule for the 18 months I will be in school.

Outside of School: 3 (possibly 4.5, not sure yet) hours of charted practice massage on friends/students per week, 1.5 hours of receiving student massage per week, 6-10 hours study/homework per week.

As you can see, Monday-Thursday is booked totally solid with work and School. This leaves Friday evenings (I will no longer have half-fridays starting 12/06) and Sundays open for practice massage, studying, and downtime. Most Saturdays will be free for aerial training in the mornings and catch up massage practice/study, and maybe a little art or something.

There is also a small gap between School and Work where I can get some cardio in at a gym or hang with Chrissy and eat dinners, but that gap will disappear when and if the school moves to the east side as is the intention of the Cortiva Insitute which newly owns both Brian Utting and Brenneke and doesn’t want them right next to each other any longer.

The possible move was a big blocking factor in my decision for a long time, until I talked with the school president and felt comfortable in their intentions not to damage the possibility of success for their current students. They are anticipating moving in Jan of 08 but it may take longer to secure the right space, I hope I hope, and it’s possible I will be able to finish out my education downtown.

The best part about all this is that I don’t have to go into any debt, my job will cover my schooling expenses. The life plan still remains the same, a few more years here with my awesome support structure and familiarity while I get my foundation set, then on to NYC. 3-5 years, I suspect.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.02.06 - 3:03 pm

The Spirit wrapped

Finished shooting The Spirit today, that crew is a lot of fun. Hopefully I’ll do decently at keeping in touch with them as life rolls along.

Shooting outdoors wasn’t much different than shooting indoors, except the constant stream of cars messing up our shots and the fistful of crackheads hanging around the SFI being weird and distracting. It made for a few good laughs.

I’m hoping to do some more film and a stage production when I get back from the east coast (leaving on the 12th and coming back the 24th). It would be nice to do one more of each this year at least, and it would make me happy to get on a stage sometime. I really, really want to try my hand at stage work, but it’s kinda tough to do that with a chunk of travel time coming up. I suspect it will be more reasonable to do stage work when I am not leaving for large spans of time during summer productions.

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Submitted by courtnee in members only - 09.05.00 - 7:30 pm

Swept away by the cirque – the beginning of my obsession with circus

For show and touring information, time lines, sound tracks (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED), more beautiful pictures, 360 degree stage displays and the opportunity to purchase cirque merchandise, visit their exceptional web site at http://cirquedusoleil.com

After seeing Mystere in las vegas.. I have become absolutely fascinated with joining Cirque Du Soleil. I have put my original music composition on hold in order to practice the style of singing that cirque uses, as well as tracking down a gymnastics center that will train me privately since there are no classes in existence for students of my age group. I practice singing to the live Mystere sound track at least once throughout a day, and have working with the Saltimbanco track as well.. though it isnt as rewarding to sing to because the recording isnt live. I also rented Algeria, the movie.. which wasnt a show exactly but more of a love story.

What I remember most about the story was the ring master talking to all the performers before the show, after his daughter left to be with her true love. He drew a line in the sand on the ground and asked his hoop artist to cross over it, then asked if she understood what she had just done. When she said no, he explain that she had stepped from the dark into the light. They are the dark. We are the light. We are the smiles, the ambition. The show is to bring light to those who live primarily in the dark.

When you are in the light you forget about your problems, about your hardships, and you shed that light on all who have come to see you perform. Thats exactly the way I feel. I want to do it to make people happy, just as becoming a trance DJ was for the joy of making people happy. It’s all about doing something that matters, and makes a difference. I think have -finally- found the perfect way for me to do that.

After seeing Saltimbanco twice while they were in town here, and being witness to the diversity and energy present in cirques traveling shows, I have decided that rather than be stuck up on a balcony singing for a resident show in a less than desirable area (vegas or Orlando.. ugh.) I would like to travel with them. According to Susan, one of the singers with the show whom I had the pleasure of meeting, Saltimbanco is the only current show in which the singers are an active participant on stage rather than being on the sidelines.

They performed chinese poles in both Mystere and Saltimbanco.. it just absolutely fascinated me. The performers wear special shoes to help them grip.. but the poles are indeed smooth metal. The pressure on your arms and wrists alone during some of the performance is enough to fracture bones if you are not properly trained. If you have ever seen a cirque du soleil show LIVE (TV does NOT fucking count you posers!) you will notice that most of the performers do more than one type of amazing act. In Saltimbanco, one person i noticed in particular was part of bungee, chinese poles, russian swing and assisted in almost every other act in the show.

It’s amazing what awesome characters are involved in the making of the show, and how easy it is to become totally entranced in their stories. With Mystere, the theater was so huge it was hard to tell who was who, but on the up side i was far enough away to see everything that is going on.

One thing about cirque is that there is ALWAYS more than one point of interest in every act, even if the lighting focuses on one character for a while. I am also interested in duo trapeze, russian swing and contortion. Circus – celebration of life, exploration and the joy of experiencing it.

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