For instance, I have yet to incorporate grains or spices back into my diet. I suspect when and if I do, they will be in much smaller amounts than I previously used. I think some red quinoa is in order soon, though.

It’s amazing to me that taking supplements provides very little protection when I eat wheat, dairy, or drink any alcohol, even though it makes sense. There really is no escape – I simply don’t tolerate those foods, no matter what other support structures I have in place. It explains a lot of my years of frustration with my health.

Rumor has it that I can eat butter, since I react to the protein rather than lactose. I’m still interested in how I handle brown rice and alternative grains, but have lost steam on integrating new foods, especially suspect ones. Mostly, I’m spending my cheat opportunities testing the quantities I can get away with in regards to the foods I know I can’t eat – at least with wheat. I want scones and pancakes and french bread, dammnit!

I drink my water with lemon again, and just added sweet white onion to my roasted veggies. But my basics have shifted. If I want carbs, I eat a sweet potato or a banana. It hasn’t occurred to me to want rice for weeks.

When I cheat, I really feel it now. Whether its because I can really tell the difference or because my body is reacting more severely, when I eat a scone at snacktime or have a couple drinks over a long dinner, I’m feeling it for a couple of days.

On the plus side, I found a fourth food I can eat from Bartells on the corner by my office – a theo chocolate bar with no dairy. This is in addition to the canned tuna, raw almonds, superfood odwalla and canned pineapple I’ve already discovered. Hey man, it’s good to have backup options, with how busy I can get. And holy shit, chocolate I can eat? Talk about awesome.

I also invested in a Soyapower Plus milk maker, so I can make my own almond milk. It’s impossible to find by the gallon, and I’m wrung out on buying those little boxes for $2 a piece which, I believe, can’t even be recycled. I bought some bulk almonds from a farm in california and look forward to my packages arriving soon.

As for my skin, well, nothing new, however the current cyst cluster I have healing has stalled at numerous hard nodules. It’s been there long enough that I finally speared it last night to see if I could get any goop out of it. Nothing but blood, which I guess is a plus, however doesn’t bode well for the damn swelling going down any time soon. Stupid slowass lymph system…

I’ve had a couple people ask me about this diet and how they might go about trying it. These are the steps I took:

Google ‘elimination diet’ Look at 3 or 4 of the top rated links Compare diets and restrictiveness Choose the baseline that makes the most sense based off previous knowledge (I chose to remove nightshades because I’ve reacted to eggplant before) Do it.

It’ll change your life. ]]> I think the elimination part of my elimination diet is just about over. I don’t feel like I’m on a structured, restrictive diet any longer, more like I just have a much better sense of how what I choose to eat will effect me. Interestingly, I still don’t eat a lot of what I used to.

For instance, I have yet to incorporate grains or spices back into my diet. I suspect when and if I do, they will be in much smaller amounts than I previously used. I think some red quinoa is in order soon, though.

It’s amazing to me that taking supplements provides very little protection when I eat wheat, dairy, or drink any alcohol, even though it makes sense. There really is no escape – I simply don’t tolerate those foods, no matter what other support structures I have in place. It explains a lot of my years of frustration with my health.

Rumor has it that I can eat butter, since I react to the protein rather than lactose. I’m still interested in how I handle brown rice and alternative grains, but have lost steam on integrating new foods, especially suspect ones. Mostly, I’m spending my cheat opportunities testing the quantities I can get away with in regards to the foods I know I can’t eat – at least with wheat. I want scones and pancakes and french bread, dammnit!

I drink my water with lemon again, and just added sweet white onion to my roasted veggies. But my basics have shifted. If I want carbs, I eat a sweet potato or a banana. It hasn’t occurred to me to want rice for weeks.

When I cheat, I really feel it now. Whether its because I can really tell the difference or because my body is reacting more severely, when I eat a scone at snacktime or have a couple drinks over a long dinner, I’m feeling it for a couple of days.

On the plus side, I found a fourth food I can eat from Bartells on the corner by my office – a theo chocolate bar with no dairy. This is in addition to the canned tuna, raw almonds, superfood odwalla and canned pineapple I’ve already discovered. Hey man, it’s good to have backup options, with how busy I can get. And holy shit, chocolate I can eat? Talk about awesome.

I also invested in a Soyapower Plus milk maker, so I can make my own almond milk. It’s impossible to find by the gallon, and I’m wrung out on buying those little boxes for $2 a piece which, I believe, can’t even be recycled. I bought some bulk almonds from a farm in california and look forward to my packages arriving soon.

As for my skin, well, nothing new, however the current cyst cluster I have healing has stalled at numerous hard nodules. It’s been there long enough that I finally speared it last night to see if I could get any goop out of it. Nothing but blood, which I guess is a plus, however doesn’t bode well for the damn swelling going down any time soon. Stupid slowass lymph system…

I’ve had a couple people ask me about this diet and how they might go about trying it. These are the steps I took:

Google ‘elimination diet’
Look at 3 or 4 of the top rated links
Compare diets and restrictiveness
Choose the baseline that makes the most sense based off previous knowledge (I chose to remove nightshades because I’ve reacted to eggplant before)
Do it.

It’ll change your life. Good luck!

The Chromium supplement I ordered came in today, and this is the first day I’ve taken 500mg to help regulate my blood sugar. This should help control sugar cravings. I’ve also started taking a multivitamin again.

Through the generosity of an old friend I saw on Monday, I now have some game meats to snack on for a while. Impala, red stag, byson, stuff like that. So far, I’m finding that the meat tastes about as clean and mild as the lamb I’ve been having – which to me means it’s good.

I tried using all purpose seasoning on my fish the other night, and find that now I PREFER simpler food to seasoned. I haven’t felt the desire to repeat the experiment since and went right back to oil (Grapeseed, now) and sea salt.

I’ve officially gone through my cycle while being, mostly, on the elimination diet. The results have been positive. I’ve had the ache and some mild emotional shifts. Between my body having a respite from warding off the evils of milk protein and wheat as well as taking 1/4 tsp of maca root most mornings, those shifts have felt like waves in a lap pool compared to full on deep sea storms of past cycles.

I almost can’t believe I’m saying this; My face is really looking nice. No new cysts this month, a mild spray of some small blemishes last week and the cyst cluster that’s been healing is nearly pain free now. I’m back to mainly clear skin and using TCA peels to handle scarring.

My sleep has not been so great. I am seeming to need a tremendous amount of it and am still feeling like I got run over by a truck when I wake up. I’m pretty sure that has to do with training for There Must be Something in the Air, moving rooms in my house and getting two hours of sleep on ]]> I have begun to crave my roasted veggies and fresh meats over restaurant foods, though I still struggle with wanting sweets. I’m finding that as long as I have good food packed with me, it satisfies. It’s when I’m in a hurry and/or strapped for cash that I’ll settle for clif bars and things I know I won’t tolerate as well.

The Chromium supplement I ordered came in today, and this is the first day I’ve taken 500mg to help regulate my blood sugar. This should help control sugar cravings. I’ve also started taking a multivitamin again.

Through the generosity of an old friend I saw on Monday, I now have some game meats to snack on for a while. Impala, red stag, byson, stuff like that. So far, I’m finding that the meat tastes about as clean and mild as the lamb I’ve been having – which to me means it’s good.

I tried using all purpose seasoning on my fish the other night, and find that now I PREFER simpler food to seasoned. I haven’t felt the desire to repeat the experiment since and went right back to oil (Grapeseed, now) and sea salt.

I’ve officially gone through my cycle while being, mostly, on the elimination diet. The results have been positive. I’ve had the ache and some mild emotional shifts. Between my body having a respite from warding off the evils of milk protein and wheat as well as taking 1/4 tsp of maca root most mornings, those shifts have felt like waves in a lap pool compared to full on deep sea storms of past cycles.

I almost can’t believe I’m saying this; My face is really looking nice. No new cysts this month, a mild spray of some small blemishes last week and the cyst cluster that’s been healing is nearly pain free now. I’m back to mainly clear skin and using TCA peels to handle scarring.

My sleep has not been so great. I am seeming to need a tremendous amount of it and am still feeling like I got run over by a truck when I wake up. I’m pretty sure that has to do with training for There Must be Something in the Air, moving rooms in my house and getting two hours of sleep on Wednesday night.

I decided since things have been going relatively well, even with cutting down on the fruit and sugar, I’d try something really crazy, since it was convenient to where I needed to be on Friday – Chinese food.

When I ate the almond cheese and noticed that my body didn’t like it, it was a pretty mild, consistent sensation overall. When I ate Chinese before going to a show on Friday, I got food coma immediately, which was completely expected. The next day, I felt pretty run down, and later in the morning, I got the worst case of painful gas I’ve had in years. It happened 10 minutes before a client was to show up at my office, while I was in the checkout line at the Bartells on the corner.

I broke out into a cold sweat, forced myself to stay upright when I was inclined to keel over, and did intense focused breathing to keep from crying out in public. My vision got darker and it was hard to walk. When I did get to a bathroom and sat, it hurt even more – almost like by trying to go, I was increasing the pressure and cutting off the valve. I remember my hands being clutched on my head and my feet pointed like a barbie while I was cussing. It fucking sucked. Especially since I don’t even like Chinese food that much, and what I had was mediocre at best.

Back when I did drugs, drank, and ate a lot of fast food, I used to deal with that most days of my life. Debilitating gas, really fucked up smelly movements and a lot of urgent, painful experiences. I’m really not sure how I dealt with that, or why it’s taken so long for me to get serious about feeling healthy and pain free in my digestion. Perhaps being on pain killers and other reality altering substances more often than I was not, back then, had something to do with it.

I can tell you, though, there are two different feelings going on, at the very least, when it comes to unsatisfactory reactions to my food. There’s something systemic and inflammatory happening that feels like more of a background process, and then there are the violent reactions that cause my body to want to barf what I’ve eaten out my ass.

On Saturday, I met some new friends (happens so rarely once you get old, doesn’t it?) and had a really nice time hanging out and eating at Serafina. For lunch I had gotten a tuna sandwich at Central Bakery, too. So I’d basically fucked off my diet for most of the day. The main thing I ate that I haven’t been eating was wheat, but there were some condements and other things sprinkled in there, as well as about 3/4 of a beer.

I, of course, feel tired and crappy today. A bike ride helped, and I haven’t had any blowouts like the one at Bartells, but it’s clear that I don’t want to be eating at restaurants unless I certainly want to feel like ass the next day or two.

The experiments I’ve done this weekend aren’t integral, but they’ve been enlightening on their own merit. For one, I’ve found that I really don’t like Chinese food and there is nothing aside from complete laziness and poor planning to ever encourage me to eat it again, which won’t be enough. I also know that my body is way more sensitive to food than I’ve ever realized while constantly taxing it before. It’s really amazing how acute the difference is for me now that my baseline has changed.

Eating out isn’t going to help me narrow down specifics and I know that. So even though I can’t be sure what exactly has me grumpy and tired and even light headed/drugged feeling this morning after I rode my bike, I’m glad I decided to have a nice time anyway. I think it’s most likely wheat and beer since I was careful in my menu choices about everything else, so at some point when I’m ready I’ll try more focused experiments with those. For now, though, no more big diet shifts for a while. It felt like a warm blankie next to a crackling fire to go back to my roasted veggies and fish tonight.

What ]]> I’m starting to understand the difference between what food intolerance feels like, and what IBS symptoms feel like.

I decided since things have been going relatively well, even with cutting down on the fruit and sugar, I’d try something really crazy, since it was convenient to where I needed to be on Friday – Chinese food.

When I ate the almond cheese and noticed that my body didn’t like it, it was a pretty mild, consistent sensation overall. When I ate Chinese before going to a show on Friday, I got food coma immediately, which was completely expected. The next day, I felt pretty run down, and later in the morning, I got the worst case of painful gas I’ve had in years. It happened 10 minutes before a client was to show up at my office, while I was in the checkout line at the Bartells on the corner.

I broke out into a cold sweat, forced myself to stay upright when I was inclined to keel over, and did intense focused breathing to keep from crying out in public. My vision got darker and it was hard to walk. When I did get to a bathroom and sat, it hurt even more – almost like by trying to go, I was increasing the pressure and cutting off the valve. I remember my hands being clutched on my head and my feet pointed like a barbie while I was cussing. It fucking sucked. Especially since I don’t even like Chinese food that much, and what I had was mediocre at best.

Back when I did drugs, drank, and ate a lot of fast food, I used to deal with that most days of my life. Debilitating gas, really fucked up smelly movements and a lot of urgent, painful experiences. I’m really not sure how I dealt with that, or why it’s taken so long for me to get serious about feeling healthy and pain free in my digestion. Perhaps being on pain killers and other reality altering substances more often than I was not, back then, had something to do with it.

I can tell you, though, there are two different feelings going on, at the very least, when it comes to unsatisfactory reactions to my food. There’s something systemic and inflammatory happening that feels like more of a background process, and then there are the violent reactions that cause my body to want to barf what I’ve eaten out my ass.

On Saturday, I met some new friends (happens so rarely once you get old, doesn’t it?) and had a really nice time hanging out and eating at Serafina. For lunch I had gotten a tuna sandwich at Central Bakery, too. So I’d basically fucked off my diet for most of the day. The main thing I ate that I haven’t been eating was wheat, but there were some condements and other things sprinkled in there, as well as about 3/4 of a beer.

I, of course, feel tired and crappy today. A bike ride helped, and I haven’t had any blowouts like the one at Bartells, but it’s clear that I don’t want to be eating at restaurants unless I certainly want to feel like ass the next day or two.

The experiments I’ve done this weekend aren’t integral, but they’ve been enlightening on their own merit. For one, I’ve found that I really don’t like Chinese food and there is nothing aside from complete laziness and poor planning to ever encourage me to eat it again, which won’t be enough. I also know that my body is way more sensitive to food than I’ve ever realized while constantly taxing it before. It’s really amazing how acute the difference is for me now that my baseline has changed.

Eating out isn’t going to help me narrow down specifics and I know that. So even though I can’t be sure what exactly has me grumpy and tired and even light headed/drugged feeling this morning after I rode my bike, I’m glad I decided to have a nice time anyway. I think it’s most likely wheat and beer since I was careful in my menu choices about everything else, so at some point when I’m ready I’ll try more focused experiments with those. For now, though, no more big diet shifts for a while. It felt like a warm blankie next to a crackling fire to go back to my roasted veggies and fish tonight.

What a trip.

Sugar. God damn fucking sugar.

Sugar causes me to feel dehydrated. Sugar causes my guts to distend and make me appear 6 months pregnant. Sugar is something I crave periodically, between ovulation and menstruation. Eating sugar causes me to crave more sugar. And, perhaps worst of all – sugar tastes good.

Sugar tastes real fucking good.

I ate cake on Sunday, and I woke up feeling, literally, hung over. Dehydrated, slow minded, tired, run down. Ok so, it was two slices, but if I was going to do it I was going to do it right and try both kinds. It was a party.

And now, I’m about 3 days from bleeding, and all I want is cake and ice cream sandwiches and molten chocolate ganache, and chocolate mousse, and waffles, on things and .. fruit?

Yeah. Fruit. Which got me thinking – When I started this whole shebang, I gave myself license to eat as much as I wanted of my allowed food items. I eat a LOT of fruit. I sat down and really thought about it. I have been eating about 7 servings of fruit a day since I started. Most times I snack, it’s fruit. Sometimes I have two or three fruit smoothies in a day. And once I’ve eaten some fruit – I crave more fruit.

*sigh*

I think I’ve figured out what the hard part ]]> As I embark upon my 4th week eliminating, I want to talk about something very big that I learned during week 3. A nemesis, a weak link, a vice, if you will. What I fear will be the biggest hurdle to overcome in regards to my dietary journey since learning to share my handisnacks in preschool.

Sugar. God damn fucking sugar.

Sugar causes me to feel dehydrated. Sugar causes my guts to distend and make me appear 6 months pregnant. Sugar is something I crave periodically, between ovulation and menstruation. Eating sugar causes me to crave more sugar. And, perhaps worst of all – sugar tastes good.

Sugar tastes real fucking good.

I ate cake on Sunday, and I woke up feeling, literally, hung over. Dehydrated, slow minded, tired, run down. Ok so, it was two slices, but if I was going to do it I was going to do it right and try both kinds. It was a party.

And now, I’m about 3 days from bleeding, and all I want is cake and ice cream sandwiches and molten chocolate ganache, and chocolate mousse, and waffles, on things and .. fruit?

Yeah. Fruit. Which got me thinking – When I started this whole shebang, I gave myself license to eat as much as I wanted of my allowed food items. I eat a LOT of fruit. I sat down and really thought about it. I have been eating about 7 servings of fruit a day since I started. Most times I snack, it’s fruit. Sometimes I have two or three fruit smoothies in a day. And once I’ve eaten some fruit – I crave more fruit.

*sigh*

I think I’ve figured out what the hard part is. :/

I find it utterly amusing how difficult it’s been to find canned tuna that is actually in spring water. Most tuna in water is actually in vegetable soy broth and has salt. I’ve found real tuna in real water at Whole Foods, and Trader Joes, and they’re the same price either place. Yay!

The almond milk is going splendidly, even the chocolate kind, which confirms my suspicion about the dairy in that chocolate square I had. I also tried out some almond cheese, which didn’t work well for me. All it contained was almond, milk protein and salt, so it’s easy to see what the culprit was. I’ve periodically noticed trouble dealing with whey protein in meal bars as well. I can now say rather concretely that milk protein is a no-no.

At TJ’s yesterday, I picked up a can of coconut milk, and holy crap is it rad in a smoothie. My morning smoothie today was coconut milk, almond milk, banana, sunflower seed butter, 1/4 tsp of maca, and a teaspoon of organic unsweetened coco powder. It’s heavenly.

The smoothies can be tough to digest. Based on my education in school, I theorize that it’s because there’s no amylase involved in just swallowing something that’s already chewed up for you. They say to chew 27 times for a reason – enzymes in your saliva start breaking the food down and chewing increases surface area for your stomach acids to do their thing. So I’m prioritizing making smoothies that taste good enough to molest for a while in my mouth before I swallow.

I’ve added lemon back to good results. A squeeze here and there in my water or on my asparagus has been a welcome addition, and from what I can tell I’m not adverse to citrus. Yay!

I just got finished ovulating. I know this because I spent 3 days solid tinkering with the neevita backend, horny as a three-balled tomcat, wanting to eat nothing but fat. I got a typical skin reaction for the first time since I don’t know when – small little blemishes that surfaced and disappeared within about 3 days. I’m pretty happy with it. Planning to hang onto this for another bit, at least through my next cycle, and see how my skin reacts.

I’ve taken to using baking soda to exfoliate, and that’s working very nicely. Caused me to realize that I once spent $35 on a ‘crystal exfoliant’ that is basically baking soda and some oil. Sheesh. Got ]]> Elimination diet is going well, overall. I’m figuring out how to afford it and spending a lot of time grocery shopping, which I’ve found to be really grounding and lovely. I spend more time in the kitchen and take the time to eat meals at the table more often, too. I feel more like a real person living a real life now, whereas before I’d decided I was too stressed or busy to do those things for myself.

I find it utterly amusing how difficult it’s been to find canned tuna that is actually in spring water. Most tuna in water is actually in vegetable soy broth and has salt. I’ve found real tuna in real water at Whole Foods, and Trader Joes, and they’re the same price either place. Yay!

The almond milk is going splendidly, even the chocolate kind, which confirms my suspicion about the dairy in that chocolate square I had. I also tried out some almond cheese, which didn’t work well for me. All it contained was almond, milk protein and salt, so it’s easy to see what the culprit was. I’ve periodically noticed trouble dealing with whey protein in meal bars as well. I can now say rather concretely that milk protein is a no-no.

At TJ’s yesterday, I picked up a can of coconut milk, and holy crap is it rad in a smoothie. My morning smoothie today was coconut milk, almond milk, banana, sunflower seed butter, 1/4 tsp of maca, and a teaspoon of organic unsweetened coco powder. It’s heavenly.

The smoothies can be tough to digest. Based on my education in school, I theorize that it’s because there’s no amylase involved in just swallowing something that’s already chewed up for you. They say to chew 27 times for a reason – enzymes in your saliva start breaking the food down and chewing increases surface area for your stomach acids to do their thing. So I’m prioritizing making smoothies that taste good enough to molest for a while in my mouth before I swallow.

I’ve added lemon back to good results. A squeeze here and there in my water or on my asparagus has been a welcome addition, and from what I can tell I’m not adverse to citrus. Yay!

I just got finished ovulating. I know this because I spent 3 days solid tinkering with the neevita backend, horny as a three-balled tomcat, wanting to eat nothing but fat. I got a typical skin reaction for the first time since I don’t know when – small little blemishes that surfaced and disappeared within about 3 days. I’m pretty happy with it. Planning to hang onto this for another bit, at least through my next cycle, and see how my skin reacts.

I’ve taken to using baking soda to exfoliate, and that’s working very nicely. Caused me to realize that I once spent $35 on a ‘crystal exfoliant’ that is basically baking soda and some oil. Sheesh. Got me there.

I’ve switched now to mainly Trader Joes frozen wild fish, as eating $8 in fish a meal was squeezing me pretty tight. I’ve also switched to conventional produce for anything of which its skin I do not eat.

I’m continuing to get my lamb at Whole Foods and lucked out on a sale last time I was there, so I’m stalked up a bit in the freezer currently. I’m still suffering sticker shock from the food receipts I have in the last 10 days, though. Hope this store lasts a while.

I’ve cheated a couple of times with small amounts of multiple of things to mixed results.

Based on my cheat findings I’ve just introduced chocolate almond milk so I can make smoothies in the morning again, to good results so far. Adding in the two nut products this week and getting skanky heartburn from eating out is enough for now.

I think the biggest shift in perspective since beginning this experiment is how intently I listen. Whether it’s been a matter of focus, cutting out the white noise or both, when my guts turn funny while I’m eating something, I stop eating it.

One of my clients told me yesterday that my skin was glowing. I’d worn makeup that day but the sentiment was very encouraging. With cystic acne there are often times when no amount of makeup is going to help me appear any healthier.

As for my skin, the cyst cluster I’ve been nursing since late April felt slightly more sensitive the last few days, since I started wearing makeup over it. It continues to improve color and texture wise and based on my experience with these things is on its way out. No new cysts of late. ]]> The elimination diet is speeding along, with a few new developments.

I’ve switched now to mainly Trader Joes frozen wild fish, as eating $8 in fish a meal was squeezing me pretty tight. I’ve also switched to conventional produce for anything of which its skin I do not eat.

I’m continuing to get my lamb at Whole Foods and lucked out on a sale last time I was there, so I’m stalked up a bit in the freezer currently. I’m still suffering sticker shock from the food receipts I have in the last 10 days, though. Hope this store lasts a while.

I’ve cheated a couple of times with small amounts of multiple of things to mixed results.

• 5/12 tiny square of dark chocolate with sea salt, while it tasted fantastic, did cause a gut reaction. I suspect it’s from the dairy.
• 5/14 The sunflower seed butter has worked fine, and is now a welcome addition to my bananas.
• 5/14 I tried 3 spoonfuls of a thick Italian-wedding type soup and a taste of someones gin-based drink after performing Friday night. I had heartburn for the next 24 hours. Pasta, beans, alcohol, spices and most anything not made by my hands is still a no-go as of that result.

Based on my cheat findings I’ve just introduced chocolate almond milk so I can make smoothies in the morning again, to good results so far. Adding in the two nut products this week and getting skanky heartburn from eating out is enough for now.

I think the biggest shift in perspective since beginning this experiment is how intently I listen. Whether it’s been a matter of focus, cutting out the white noise or both, when my guts turn funny while I’m eating something, I stop eating it.

One of my clients told me yesterday that my skin was glowing. I’d worn makeup that day but the sentiment was very encouraging. With cystic acne there are often times when no amount of makeup is going to help me appear any healthier.

As for my skin, the cyst cluster I’ve been nursing since late April felt slightly more sensitive the last few days, since I started wearing makeup over it. It continues to improve color and texture wise and based on my experience with these things is on its way out. No new cysts of late. Fingers crossed.

“Courtnee Papastathis has performed as Zita the Aerialist since 2005. During that time her focus has been to tell compelling stories through her aerial performances. The act you just saw was an illustration of the struggle to shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and how sex contributes to the art of self discovery. It’s also a really awesome excuse to be naked.”

I was uncharacteristically nervous and emotionally raw before my first act, even for me at my most nervous I tend to get at this point in my career. I just couldn’t shake it. Performing, much as the rest of my life, brings an ebb and flow to things. Some days I’m calm as a cucumber, quietly beckoning the universe to bring it on.

Others, I have insecurity and doubt to deal with, or I’m worried about my body being hurt, or I’m highly invested in the emotional weight of the work I am presenting and going out there feels heavy, sometimes even scary.

Last night I had all of those things. It was potentially the last aerial performance I will do, and surely the last one I will do for a while. That was hard and sad and exhilarating at times, and it made for some emotional components to be present that I hadn’t gone through in a while.

I was also performing in an all aerial show, which can be harder on my self esteem and individualism than being the aerialist in a theater show. Even when I wasn’t looking, there were little things popping up, reminding me that I am just a drop of water in an endless sea. All the acts were very different, and all the acts were very good. We do what we do well and I am proud to be a part of such a high caliber production with such talented and creative people.

That said, some of these girls can do things I will never be able to do in less time than it took me to learn how to do a fucking hip lock – things I’ve wanted to do, tried to do and, depending on my perspective, failed at. In a way it can be hard to follow up someone who’s produced a rope act that embodied what I wanted to bring to rope the first 4 years of my aerial experience and never could.

On the flip side, what I bring to my work is unique and powerful, and I know that. In accepting my bodies abilities and limits, I’ve created the space to expose myself in a way that audiences rarely get to see and I am amazing at doing it. Maybe I can’t do open legged drops without wrecking my hips, and maybe my toes won’t splay the right way so I can do a toe climb, but god dammit when I am out there I own the living shit out of it. I own the living shit out of you.

The fact that I can’t even come close to doing the splits, that I don’t have a gymnastics or dance background and that I was a professional drug abuser in my youth rather than an athlete inspires and comforts my beginning aerial students. I have a triumphant and inspiring story to tell. That’s why I like teaching beginners – I want them to know that you don’t have to be a superhuman contortionist to be an aerial performer, and I want them to know that a lot earlier than I did.

Truly performing, for me, is taking people on a stirring emotional journey – along something that runs deep and strong in us as humans. Whether it’s my music, pretending to be a dancer or climbing things, that doesn’t change much. Sometimes I’ll put on a super cute outfit, hop up on a trapeze and practice while people are watching, and that’s really fun and fueling in its own right, but it’s not a true performance of mine. It’s not the meat and the heart of what I go out there for.

I brought that meat and heart and blood and guts and spit last night. People who had no idea of the health issues I am dealing with, or that I am potentially retiring from performing aerial, told me to keep doing what I’m doing with tears in their eyes. They told me it felt like an honor to be in the audience. They told me how inspired they were to create their own magic on a stage and share it. That’s the transformative power of the arts and it’s a beautiful thing that I feel grateful and privileged to have been able to cultivate for the last 5 years. Whatever comes after this, I’ll always carry that with me.

Stay tuned for more events. Maybe this is the time in my life where I learn to be graceful on the ground.

*sniffle*

(Thank you, John Cornicello, for the lovely images, and for allowing me to post produce them)

Who: The staff of Versatile Arts What: Staff show! When: June 9, 2010 7:30 PM Where: 400 Dexter Ave N Tickets: $20 at Brown Paper Tickets

Aerial acts can be many things: exciting, dramatic, comedic, emotional. They can also be sensual, even intimate – and that is the flavor of aerial artistry that we are bringing you with this event. This show features the fantastically talented – and drop-dead sexy – staff of Versatile Arts, returning to our original home at the Little Red Studio for one night only.

Some of the drink ideas for this particular event are:

o The Rope Burn: cinnamon schnapps and cherry-flavored brandy, either over ice (the mild burn) or as a shooter (the severe burn). o The Star Drop: lime vodka mixed with fresh citrus juice and a few drops of fresh lime juice, over ice. o The Ankle hang: a long island iced tea with chambord instead of coke. o Sex in the Sling, a cross between Sex on the Beach and a Singapore Sling.

If you haven’t seen me perform my signature red silks act.. well, let’s just say that you really, really should.

Get your tickets right ]]> *sigh* Man.. this is probably going to be kind of a ramble..

“Courtnee Papastathis has performed as Zita the Aerialist since 2005. During
that time her focus has been to tell compelling stories through her aerial
performances. The act you just saw was an illustration of the struggle to
shed the defenses that bind us, finding strength in being vulnerable, and
how sex contributes to the art of self discovery. It’s also a really awesome
excuse to be naked.”

I was uncharacteristically nervous and emotionally raw before my first act, even for me at my most nervous I tend to get at this point in my career. I just couldn’t shake it. Performing, much as the rest of my life, brings an ebb and flow to things. Some days I’m calm as a cucumber, quietly beckoning the universe to bring it on.

Others, I have insecurity and doubt to deal with, or I’m worried about my body being hurt, or I’m highly invested in the emotional weight of the work I am presenting and going out there feels heavy, sometimes even scary.

Last night I had all of those things. It was potentially the last aerial performance I will do, and surely the last one I will do for a while. That was hard and sad and exhilarating at times, and it made for some emotional components to be present that I hadn’t gone through in a while.

I was also performing in an all aerial show, which can be harder on my self esteem and individualism than being the aerialist in a theater show. Even when I wasn’t looking, there were little things popping up, reminding me that I am just a drop of water in an endless sea. All the acts were very different, and all the acts were very good. We do what we do well and I am proud to be a part of such a high caliber production with such talented and creative people.

That said, some of these girls can do things I will never be able to do in less time than it took me to learn how to do a fucking hip lock – things I’ve wanted to do, tried to do and, depending on my perspective, failed at. In a way it can be hard to follow up someone who’s produced a rope act that embodied what I wanted to bring to rope the first 4 years of my aerial experience and never could.

On the flip side, what I bring to my work is unique and powerful, and I know that. In accepting my bodies abilities and limits, I’ve created the space to expose myself in a way that audiences rarely get to see and I am amazing at doing it. Maybe I can’t do open legged drops without wrecking my hips, and maybe my toes won’t splay the right way so I can do a toe climb, but god dammit when I am out there I own the living shit out of it. I own the living shit out of you.

The fact that I can’t even come close to doing the splits, that I don’t have a gymnastics or dance background and that I was a professional drug abuser in my youth rather than an athlete inspires and comforts my beginning aerial students. I have a triumphant and inspiring story to tell. That’s why I like teaching beginners – I want them to know that you don’t have to be a superhuman contortionist to be an aerial performer, and I want them to know that a lot earlier than I did.

Truly performing, for me, is taking people on a stirring emotional journey – along something that runs deep and strong in us as humans. Whether it’s my music, pretending to be a dancer or climbing things, that doesn’t change much. Sometimes I’ll put on a super cute outfit, hop up on a trapeze and practice while people are watching, and that’s really fun and fueling in its own right, but it’s not a true performance of mine. It’s not the meat and the heart of what I go out there for.

I brought that meat and heart and blood and guts and spit last night. People who had no idea of the health issues I am dealing with, or that I am potentially retiring from performing aerial, told me to keep doing what I’m doing with tears in their eyes. They told me it felt like an honor to be in the audience. They told me how inspired they were to create their own magic on a stage and share it. That’s the transformative power of the arts and it’s a beautiful thing that I feel grateful and privileged to have been able to cultivate for the last 5 years. Whatever comes after this, I’ll always carry that with me.

Stay tuned for more events. Maybe this is the time in my life where I learn to be graceful on the ground.

*sniffle*

(Thank you, John Cornicello, for the lovely images, and for allowing me to post produce them)

Who: The staff of Versatile Arts
What: Staff show!
When: June 9, 2010 7:30 PM
Where: 400 Dexter Ave N
Tickets: $20 at Brown Paper Tickets

Aerial acts can be many things: exciting, dramatic, comedic, emotional. They can also be sensual, even intimate – and that is the flavor of aerial artistry that we are bringing you with this event. This show features the fantastically talented – and drop-dead sexy – staff of Versatile Arts, returning to our original home at the Little Red Studio for one night only.

Some of the drink ideas for this particular event are:

o The Rope Burn: cinnamon schnapps and cherry-flavored brandy, either over ice (the mild burn) or as a shooter (the severe burn).
o The Star Drop: lime vodka mixed with fresh citrus juice and a few drops of fresh lime juice, over ice.
o The Ankle hang: a long island iced tea with chambord instead of coke.
o Sex in the Sling, a cross between Sex on the Beach and a Singapore Sling.

If you haven’t seen me perform my signature red silks act.. well, let’s just say that you really, really should.

Get your tickets right NOW: http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/110690

As part of this elimination, I am avoiding grains (yes, all of them, including rice), gluten, eggs, dairy, nightshades, citrus, alcohol, and sugar by eating a very specific group of foods. I took my approach after googling “elimination diet” and reading a few sites. I went with a more restricted diet than some because of known sensitivities to nightshades and grains, and designed my diet based on both new and known information.

I also cut out all spices and drinks, including herbs and herbal tea. I’m cooking with only sesame oil, and sea salt. Coupled with fresh, wild, weirdness free meats, I’m amazed at how good this food tastes. I’m having some of the best meals of my life right now.

I’ve done a lot to improve and change my diet in the last 10 years but I’ve never just sat down and roughed it for a while to see what my sensitivities are, exactly. I’ve not decided yet whether I will go for two weeks or a month or more, I’m waiting to see how I feel once two weeks are up as to whether I am ready to start re-introducing high risk foods.

I’ve already seen some notable improvements, like my pee being a normal color in the mornings, not having a film on my tongue and naturally being down and up with the sun. I sleep sounder, fall asleep faster, and I have more stamina when I get going, like riding a bike. I find that I am tired mid-morning and often have headaches in the evening. The headaches are subsiding now that I’m nearly a week in. My face is steadily healing and the swelling from my most recent abscess is continuing to go down.

Oh, and I’ve got a lot of gas, since most of what I can eat is gas inducing. Probiotics seem to be taking care of that.

It’s amazing how expensive it is to eat well. I’m now getting the previously perplexing paradox of poor people in this country being fat. All I’m eating are select vegetables and fruits, lamb, and fresh fish – yet there is simply no possible way I can keep up this diet longer than a month or two, financially.

It’s due to this that I really hope I’m good with Brown rice or some kind of cheap grain when I reintroduce it. And buying organic is bleeding me dry. Right now, I’m going through about $15 in food in a day. My budget is more like $6 a day. Switching to conventional for anything I don’t eat the skin on (bananas, mango) and things that are generally safe to get conventional like broccoli and sweet potato next week. That will help a lot.

I am looking forward to the day when my little makeup bag no longer consists mainly of concealer and other ways to cover up ]]> I decided to go on an elimination diet, not only to detox from my trip, but to also track down what food intolerance contribute to the ailments I typically suffer. The most notable affliction being consistent respiratory congestion and my skin troubles, I’m also curious as to how diet restriction effects my PCOS and IBS symptoms, which have worsened and improved with age, respectively.

As part of this elimination, I am avoiding grains (yes, all of them, including rice), gluten, eggs, dairy, nightshades, citrus, alcohol, and sugar by eating a very specific group of foods. I took my approach after googling “elimination diet” and reading a few sites. I went with a more restricted diet than some because of known sensitivities to nightshades and grains, and designed my diet based on both new and known information.

I also cut out all spices and drinks, including herbs and herbal tea. I’m cooking with only sesame oil, and sea salt. Coupled with fresh, wild, weirdness free meats, I’m amazed at how good this food tastes. I’m having some of the best meals of my life right now.

I’ve done a lot to improve and change my diet in the last 10 years but I’ve never just sat down and roughed it for a while to see what my sensitivities are, exactly. I’ve not decided yet whether I will go for two weeks or a month or more, I’m waiting to see how I feel once two weeks are up as to whether I am ready to start re-introducing high risk foods.

I’ve already seen some notable improvements, like my pee being a normal color in the mornings, not having a film on my tongue and naturally being down and up with the sun. I sleep sounder, fall asleep faster, and I have more stamina when I get going, like riding a bike. I find that I am tired mid-morning and often have headaches in the evening. The headaches are subsiding now that I’m nearly a week in. My face is steadily healing and the swelling from my most recent abscess is continuing to go down.

Oh, and I’ve got a lot of gas, since most of what I can eat is gas inducing. Probiotics seem to be taking care of that.

It’s amazing how expensive it is to eat well. I’m now getting the previously perplexing paradox of poor people in this country being fat. All I’m eating are select vegetables and fruits, lamb, and fresh fish – yet there is simply no possible way I can keep up this diet longer than a month or two, financially.

It’s due to this that I really hope I’m good with Brown rice or some kind of cheap grain when I reintroduce it. And buying organic is bleeding me dry. Right now, I’m going through about $15 in food in a day. My budget is more like $6 a day. Switching to conventional for anything I don’t eat the skin on (bananas, mango) and things that are generally safe to get conventional like broccoli and sweet potato next week. That will help a lot.

I am looking forward to the day when my little makeup bag no longer consists mainly of concealer and other ways to cover up my face.