• I have a horrible sick feeling in my stomach that I haven’t felt in a couple years. I don’t like it.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 09.02.10 - 1:09 am

New Art I love (and totally can’t do)

First, I found http://planetjanetart.com/ at the first Thursday art walk a couple months ago, and I fell in love with her work. Her art, and some photographs, were the only things that really caught my attention in the entire 619 building (partially because Donald Holman isn’t there anymore). I even took an encaustic class with her, of which everything I created I hated, and I decided, much like children, that I am glad there are other people in the world creating beautiful encaustics, so I don’t have to.

Now, through the joys of craigslist, I have discovered http://bridgewindsoup.com/, who appears to be doing similarly impossible-to-me things with watercolor, or at least watered down somethingorothers. I freaking love his artwork, and apparently he’s looking for a place to live in Seattle ’cause he’s moving here to go to art school. Far as I can tell, this kid doesn’t need art school. Sheesh.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.13.10 - 9:25 pm

Keep Going

keepgoing-progress

In progress. Sat down after coming home from massage work and started on this one, painting outside on the deck. I stopped when it got dark, then picked up again after wasting an hour on another canvas I ended up rinsing off.

$600 Keep Going

Requires a smoothing coat and repair in the upper left, but basically done.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.12.10 - 5:18 pm

Sapling (In Progress)

$300 Sapling

Off the pedestal and onto the canvas. First draft, 4 hours in, 10×10 acrylic.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 06.29.10 - 10:43 pm

Isolation

isolation

Just found the original, had lost the digital copy when I wiped out my drive a year or so ago.

“Isolation” – Acrylic on paper, 2004.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 06.26.10 - 12:55 pm

Yay, art!

Today I am taking an encaustic painting art workshop with Janet Miller of http://planetjanet.com. I’m super excited for it. After meeting her at the First Thursday Artwalk, and realizing I took a boundary class with her a few years ago with Home Alive, I jumped at the chance to get in on her workshop this weekend.

After seeing her work, I messed around with some acrylics inspired by her aesthetic. This is an in-progress picture of my collage before adding molding paste to add shape and texture.

stuff-020

I’ve been pretty creative lately, with painting, music, and some sewing as well. I’m looking forward to having more skills to further my life and the work I do with Vita! Not to mention the potential of finally using the candle-making set a friend got me for Christmas many moons ago to actually make something.

Squee!

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 03.26.10 - 12:31 am

Back to my r00ts

Every few weeks, I tend to experience a span of multiple days where I am incredibly creative in some project, or type of projects. They usually involve very few people, and are generally things I can accomplish basically alone.

It’s the time in my life where I simply have no tolerance for petty bullshit, especially what I deem to be other peoples, and I am absorbed into my work. Often that manifests in photographs, or knitting 7 scarves in 4 days, or painting something large. Last month I made my self a wig. In recent years, I’ve learned to allow witnesses. Still, though, I like small amounts of interaction at best when I’m doing this stuff.

This month, I’ve delved back into my roots.

Inspired by a link I posted on twitter recently about going google free, I started playing with sup on neevita.net, which is a debian box. Sup itself is too beta for my skills. I generally need a fair bit of documentation and example code to make anything I think up happen. Plus, I don’t know ruby. But I’ll surely be keeping an eye on it, mainly for the labeling/tags.

Alpine/Pine, however, is well on its way. I remembered pine to be pretty limiting back in the day, and stopped using it entirely in 2005. But it turns out, I can basically make Alpine do everything gMail showed me that I want – Coloring (aka, labeling) based on message origin, sending from multiple email addresses, default reply From address being the address the mail was sent to, archiving, and even threaded conversations. And if I want it to be like gMail, saving my replies to the thread, all I have to do is save my sent mail to my inbox. Boom.

In fact, when I thought to store my sent mail and incoming mail in the same place, I came up with what I consider to be an even more elegant approach to threading; I started deleting the source mail when I reply, since my sent message goes to my inbox and I like to include the original messages in replies anyway. Then I told Alpine to mark my sent message as read, and created filters to color the sent mails from my email addresses as well as incoming. Boom.

So now, I am using my proper email, and I am bidding gmail and their information hoarding ways aidu. It’s back to a simple life for me. Now if only the stupid IMAP app on my Helio Ocean didn’t force outgoing mail creds like a dumb bitch, I could check it on the go and actually reply to people. Let’s face it, though – it’s not like I’m ever long without computer access.

But what about gTalk? How on earth can I survive without that? Welp, Mcabber is working just dandy. This is what my gTalk looks like now. Just try to tell me that’s not fucking sexy. Just try.

While I was at it, I pilfered a small shell script to update my twitter from linux command line. Additionally, I’m checking facebook and twitter through links (formerly lynx, I would imagine) and loading the mobile sites, so it’s about the same as when I check from my phone. Except fucking COOLER. :)

All of this is wrapped lovingly in a screen session, which I have updated to show the window names and date and time in a status bar at the bottom of the screen. I even left it in .mil time, so I can work on my arithmetic whenever I have to check the time. How.. dangerous.

I had forgotten how fun, creative, and satisfying it is to configure applications on linux. Just making a gTalk buddies name turn yellow when they set away is a small, glorious victory. I don’t know what makes unhashing and editing a line in an .rc file so much more satisfying than clicking a radio button, but it really, really is. Every once in a while, it’s nice to spend a day (ok.. two.) tweaking things and learning/relearning cool stuff. Not to mention how much I enjoy fresh starts and change.

I was actually pretty surprised how quickly I re-adapted to key bindings and shortcuts. I guess you can take the girl out of the slack, but you can’t take the slack out of the girl.

As always, many continued thanks to Llarian, my admin, for dealing with lots of stuff I’d rather not.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 03.24.10 - 11:00 pm

Matrix

014
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Submitted by courtnee in public - 03.21.10 - 10:27 pm

Get in muh belly!

More here

M&M concept by photographer David Lydon. Art direction by Kirsten Lauzon. I got to lay there and have candy stuck to me.

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Submitted by courtnee in status updates - 03.02.10 - 9:14 pm

Blast from the past – a panoramic view of my old studio http://www.vrseattle.com/pages/browse.php?cat_id=560
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Submitted by courtnee in public - 01.27.10 - 11:15 pm

Gift from Ariel

Ariel, my hair client today, brought me a lovely gift when she arrived to have her dreads installed. An origami flower ball she made.

gift-from-ariel

I’m captivated, and I think I know what my next obsessive crafting excursion is going to end up being…

nee-flower-2

My first simple green flower, made from post-it notes and a button, and my second blue flower once I figured out the inside fringe.

nee-flower-bouquet1

About 26 hours after first learning, a bouquet made from old paper I’ve had around and not done anything with.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 01.19.10 - 12:11 am

Bird of Paradise

Bird of Paradise

This is what I did this morning.

That hoop is really set on me, and that painting is real. We decided on the pose, which is free standing. Then Dmitry set the hoop, marked me with tape, painted and feathered only those spots on my body that showed inside the circle, then shot the pose complete with the colored areas. The white feathers are actually set in the shot too.

My hands were numb and my shoulder tweaked from holding that pose, which was originally with my legs even more arched down over my hands, on reflective plastic. Sooo worth it though.

This concept of feathers and paint was not my idea, however, perhaps strangely, it fit quite well into the events of my life of late. Photography by Epsilon Images.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 12.01.09 - 10:40 am

Night Zero

A photographic novel of the post-apocalypse

http://www.nightzero.com/
Just stumbled upon this after a friend posted some pictures of himself in it, and I’m not sure how I’ve gone so long without knowing about it. What a fun concept, it must be really rewarding to work on a project like that. Congrats to Dan!
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Submitted by courtnee in public - 11.19.09 - 5:20 am

On creative fire..

It really floors me how much I accomplish in the middle of the night, when I feel so fried I wouldn’t think I could concentrate on anything. I’ve been sewing a lot the last few days. Pictures aren’t much.. but it is almost 4:30 in the morning afterall.

Thanks for the birthday present, Chrissy.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 11.05.09 - 9:19 pm

Vita arts has completed its first workshop!

We came. We saw. We made art. We helped other people make art. We learned stuff. We became one with humility. We both exceeded, and fell short of expectations. We thought on our feet and persevered. We were asked to return.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Things didn’t go as planned. Attendance was less than expected, and we quickly abandoned our impressively prepared structure and variety of offerings in favor of scaling back to a very simple, smaller, fluid system. Way better than being caught with our pants down, though – we were on the ball, overstaffed and over prepared. Anything that went ‘wrong’ was out of our hands. Our volunteers showed, lit the room up and had a good time leading by example. We worked with some kids, and they were great. You can ask for more than that with a first workshop, but it’s probably not a very good idea to expect it.

We did it. We are real. And we have an assload of supplies for next time.

http://vita-arts.org

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 10.12.09 - 1:04 pm

W.A.S.T.E.? Update - first art project!

Glass bottle candle holders

Glass bottle candle holders

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 10.07.09 - 1:54 pm

Stuff I’ve made recently

stuff
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Submitted by courtnee in public - 09.28.09 - 11:30 am

Nee turns 30, Monday Nov 2

I am turning 30. I am having a party. Are you confident I would not want to burn the house down upon your arrival, considering my guests collateral damage for wiping you off the planet? Then request an invitation from the facebook event to RSVP!

In addition, back by popular demand because you asked for it… wishlist for my 30th. See you guys on Nov 2.

Stuff I like..

  • Lunches
  • Massages
  • Baths
  • Tea (decaf or low caf)
  • Travel
  • Essential oils
  • Art Supplies
  • Music
  • Gift Certificates
  • Tall socks
  • Lacy things
  • Candles
  • Blank greeting cards
  • Handmade things
  • Corsets
  • Dark Chocolate

Stuff that’s crossed my mind recently…

A word about Money…

Money is a social necessity that becomes less and less of a priority as I age and develop my sense of what I find important in my life. I make very little, and generally do not have much left over after my modest monthly bills. One of my largest projects is a volunteer position as a founder of a non-profit, and often my performances are unpaid – I have chosen to do what fuels me, and have worked hard to reduce my financial footprint to where I can live how I want and not have to worry (too much) about making a lot of money or making my decisions based on that.

That said, money is a great gift for me. There are things I enjoy and/or would benefit greatly from that are difficult to acquire by means of trade or barter, and money is as versatile as my interests at the time. There is a stigma about money being a cop out gift, and in some respects I can see why. However, for me, money is great. I can use it to stroll the produce section and get my food for the day,  shoot myself into space, go see a movie with you, get some new paint colors, or pad the bank account for vita-arts.org. Neat stuff!

So if you’re stumped, strapped for time, across the country or whatever and a simple ‘happy birthday’ doesn’t float your boat, just send me a fatass check. I’ll totally dig it, and promise I will do something cool with it.

Here’s to making it this far!

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 09.18.09 - 8:46 pm

Circus of Dreams, Sept 18th

white-zita

NOTICE: racy, lengthly, or outdated content ahead »

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 08.25.09 - 11:58 am

Some stuff I’ve been making lately..

White Cabaret Zita Been super into sewing lately. I’ve had a machine for quite a few years but rarely used it. In the last two weeks I’ve broken all 4 of the sewing needles I had laying around here, and spent countless hours/dollars on projects. Mostly costumes. And there’s a fair bit more to go in that department.

Here’s a picture of the long brainstormed light aerial costume, allbeit a terrible one with some really bad photoshop on the background. This is more of a perchy costume, it has little bits on it that would get mangled pretty easily. The bodice is almost completely converted, and upside down. My friend Sara Sparrow made me the shorts from a shirt I had, and the cute veil. I’m finishing up my dark version but am having issues with the bodice collapsing, so no pictures yet. If you want to see that one, come to the Pink Door when I’m performing. :)

Becky's dreads Also got some dread action going on. One of my coworkers wants dreads, and ordered some from me just before I moved. This friday is the install. Woo!Need about 10 more dark ones and it’ll be done.

In other news – I have a real bed again! Like, with a head/foot board and everything. The last time I had more than a frame, I was 6, and I’ve only had a mattress for about 2 years now, so I could prop the bed up to set up a massage table. I’m enjoying nesting.

Hm. both of these pictures are pretty awful quality. I wonder if my lens is dirty or something..

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 07.19.09 - 12:48 pm

Vita Arts fundraiser, July 25th

“No matter how enlightened you are, as long as there are people suffering, you still have plenty of work to do.”

7-25-09-fundraiserWho: Levity, Chimera, Dyno, Zita, and more fabulous aerial talent!

What: The first fundraising event for Vita Arts, my new non-profit arts organization

Where: Versatile Arts, 7601 Greenwood Ave, Seattle

When: Saturday, July 25, 2009 8:00pm – 10:00pm

Why?

Seems to me, many people spend a long time building their lives into something they can be proud of,  something comfortable for them, in order to be safe to accomplish another something that’s bigger than themselves.

I have done my fair share of struggling, trying different configurations, playing small and dreaming big. Over the last few years, I’ve contemplated what the bigger thing might be, for me. Sure, I sometimes make people happy with my art. I make money helping other people do cool things, I volunteer, and my financial/geographical footprint is about 15% of what it used to be when I worked for Microsoft. I even turn the water off when I brush my teeth most of the time. But what can I REALLY do to make a difference in life?

When it came time for me to serve the world somehow, I found that I wanted to create a non-profit organization to help perpetuate the transformative capabilities inherent in expressing ones self, artistically. To make a space for people to experience the healing opportunities I have had through art in a more tactile, kinesthetic way than I have with my personal offerings of performances, music, paintings and that sort of thing.

I know art saves lives, because it saved mine. I’ve seen the results, and heard the stories of others, about the power of artistic expression to heal and transform. Whether it be from seeing it, appreciating it, facilitating it, being it, creating it, failing at it, living it – I maintain that art has the power to touch absolutely everyone.

I’ve also seen how sharing myself artistically often effects and inspires people to action. How the experience of art opens people up to expressing life, to telling their once-quiet stories through a medium, helping discover courages and strengths we so often convince ourselves we don’t, or can’t, have. How art helps people face their fears, release difficult emotions, grieve, find direction and purpose.

Perhaps most importantly, I have seen how, no matter how bleak and helpless a situation may seem, one small, brave action creates a chain of them. Every time.

It’s never too late to choose to make a difference.

Vita Arts is sharing the power of art with the disadvantaged and transforming lives.

Our performances offer the public a chance to see our skills, and to be moved by the human spirit.  Our shows  also serve to fund and publicize our outreach efforts, working with individuals in small workshops, giving them a chance to experience creating art for themselves, perhaps for the very first time.

We are starting local, with two public performances and a workshop being planned in 2009 alone. We look forward to expanding our efforts in the coming years by collaborating with other organizations (such as disaster relief orgs, loss support groups, and those helping reform the incarcerated) to offer transformative art experiences to the disadvantaged of all ages, around the world.

Come find out more about who we are, what we’re doing,  see a great show, and best of all, help make a difference.

Please note: If you are unable to attend this event and wish to support us, we are gratefully accepting donations. Provisional 501(c)(3) status is in the works, and will backdate once approved for tax deduction purposes. You may send donations to Vita Arts, PO box 20233, Seattle, WA 98102.

Thank you, so much, for your support.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 06.03.09 - 1:26 pm

Yay for fresh starts!

Hm. Well then.

Apparently, my E:\ drive was not actually located on my external hard drive, as I have assumed. Rather, it was on the drive I partitioned and re-installed XP on last night.

My E:\ drive was the datastore which has housed all my source files for my music, images, and video projects for the last two years. A large fraction of the good pictures I’ve taken are on neevita, though the original high quality images of my self photography are now gone.

As for the music and video – I don’t know how much I care to recall at this particular moment how very little of it ever ventured from my drive. I’m sure it will come up over time as I think about things I want and discover they are gone.

Seems rather silly, that the data I’ve been worried about losing if my drives ever failed (or I wiped them out), are the 150 gigs of replacable mp3′s I have.

I suppose one of the fortunate aspects of this, aside from having a clean slate which I do rather enjoy, is how the experience has shown me what kind of relationship I’ve developed with my artwork.

Bummer. Thankfully, I will make more.

Additionally, my potential moving costs now include an external terabyte, which I’ve been putting off for a day too long it seems, to back up what I have left and hopefully prevent this from happening again any time soon. I’m offering all paintings currently for sale at a 25% discount, INCLUDING COMMISSIONS. http://neevita.net/artist/art-for-sale

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.17.09 - 2:20 am

Taken

$600 Taken 14

Thinking it needs more bubbles. Done with it for the night.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 05.10.09 - 9:22 pm

Mothers Day

mothersday.jpg

A very bad photo of a very lovely painting. 10×20″ Acrylic. Not for sale.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 04.24.09 - 10:55 pm

Samorost the sequel!

A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away, I played a little flash game called samorost. I’d never seen something so well made in flash. I fell in love with it, and at the time, I wrote the author and asked if he wanted me to mirror his game on phuqed. He agreed, and I suspect I may be one of the few people who has the original game in its entirety besides the creators.

I ran across my copy of it recently, and thought I might want to put it back up – But thankfully, it’s not only alive and well on the web, but has a SEQUEL on top of it! Rad!!

http://amanita-design.net/samorost-1/

http://amanita-design.net/samorost-2/

Memories, anyone?

(P.S. Some may appreciate knowing that the $5 full version of the sequel has a $3.50 sircharge, making it closer to a $10 game than $5)

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 04.20.09 - 1:23 am

White Noise – New self-photographed digital art

Modeling, styling, photography, post, and photo manip all by me. I pulled these out alone at my house in about 3 hours from start to finish Used vector flower brushes II by yasney chan, and Tree borders III brushes. white-noise-2.jpg

Print Available

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 08.18.08 - 4:57 pm

Awesomeness abound

I’m not writing much. Things are great. I’m rather busy with hair orders, paintings, directing my show, choreographing acts, training aerial, performing music, doing spa sessions, learning french (:D), wrapping up my stead at the chiro office and thoroughly enjoying doing what I love to do.

Obsidian opens Nov 15th at LRS and is going to be un-fucking-real. Not only is the show, cast, and the energy around the planning of it amazing, I have the freedom to swap roles between the two main female characters throughout the run.

One is a sparkling starlet who loses her dearest love and commits suicide – the one I identified with while I was brainstorming the show last year. The other is an obsessive murderess who loses what she built on falsehood, as well as her mind. Both of them are dramatized fragments of my personal story. It’s an amazing opportunity to be able to play both. You’ll have to see it twice!

It’s looking solid that I’ll be performing solo silks at a party Halloween night – as the witch Paculla Annia. Umm.. score. Wine and buttsex or death!

Everywhere I go, I see art. My art. It’s in my head and on the walls and in the air. It’s under tables and in my food, gritty under my nails and between my newly fixed teeth. It’s on my tongue and at the tips of my fingers. Its vibrating up my legs when I walk, sweeping across my face as my hair grows.

Mmmm god I love my life. Didja miss me?

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 04.28.08 - 11:49 am

Art-a-Thon 2008

Man. I am beat. And sore. And super happy. Or something like it.

The art-a-thon was largely transformative (or, transportive?) for me, in many ways. It was an intense weekend. More happened than I am willing to document, both for the sake of my poor body and because I want to hold some of it just for me. But let’s see what comes out.

The aerial piece I wasn’t going to do, and then decided to do, was a storytelling piece which in and of itself is a new thing for me. Incorporating acting and a storyline that’s clear enough for people to understand without alternate explanation is my latest progression in aerials, as well as slowing things down and expressing myself in less of the “look how strong and fast I am”. Expressing vulnerability in the air. I started by switching from rope to silks and doing “The Art of Self Love” act, in which the story is illustrated in the song lyrics.

This time, the story was illustrated by my actions, my face, and visual imagery. It was largely improv, a piece I’d only ever done in my head, which had come to me mid last week. Highly personal. Highly exposed. To those of you who may understand what it means to have finally done it – it was performed to music from the Batman Begins soundtrack (finally!!!). It was incredible, I got the most heart warming and appreciative feedback to date for my aerial work after presenting it. I will be doing the piece again at the Gold Show, on Saturday May 17th.

I painted some, sang some, spent time with friends, cultivating, supporting others works. I slept and took care of myself, spent a lot of time with Clayton that was beneficial and fueling for me, connected with new and old, past and present. I “acted” in a hilarious, incredibly fun dream theater play about superheroes and ninjas and girls who kick ass. I came to some heavy, wonderful realizations this weekend, which were fulfilling, nourishing, and highly meaningful for me.

After an intense and highly emotional conversation of the crack-my-heart-wide-open variety, I went to into the closing ceremony raw, feeling unprotected, impressionable, mailable, and a little afraid.

I’ve been feeling the presence of something, seeing it in my peripheral vision, something big, something I’ve worked hard for, as I’ve gone through the process of my blood paintings. The revisitation of needles, that process, which I have familiarity with in destructive senses, the spiral I see completing, the orbit I’m in, passing those experiences, washing them clean a little, redistributing new memories and associations to old hurts and self loathing.

I thought about that internal spiral while we walked a spiral maze that had been created on the floor during the weekend, in small groups. I thought about that sense of my life illustrated in physical reality, as I bumped shoulders with my chosen family, as I passed them while circling. Remembering that the last time I was using needles on myself, I was trying to die. Trying to run. Trying to lose my mind. I wasn’t safe about it. I overdosed. I used dirty needles, took risks. I wanted to hurt me. And now, I was surrounded by people I’ve cultivated in my life, to help me through that darkness. And they have.

To be drawing my own blood, safely (in perspective), sanitary, for the purpose of life, to express life, has been so grounding, confirming, strengthening for me. The bruises from it, while catering to my dark side, a part of me that recognizes the comfort I’ve taken in hurting myself, wanting to extract my pigment rather than wait for it to come naturally in my cycle (there are other reasons I don’t want to use menstrual blood, too) show me again and again that everything is a process, with polarizations, how much I adore soaking in all of it. All the aspects of it. How miraculous and intelligent our bodies are to heal themselves. And that we do heal. That damage is part of being alive, a part I don’t tend to hide from. That it doesn’t overtake my life. Not anymore.

Holding hands in a circle, a dear friend of the troupe and of mine personally gifted the studio with a giant dream catcher. She then offered us all feathers, which she had been collecting for the last 10 years, to attach to it to this new symbol of unity that will hang at the studio, and to offer something, or wish for something, or give thanks for something, in honor of ourselves while doing so.

I started crying. I couldn’t stop. I was holding something in view that I’ve rarely known how to hold where I could see it. It was glowing and morphing and brilliant. My gratitude for the space, for the people, for the experiences I had this weekend, for the love, for the gifts, the creativity, everywhere I’ve been, everywhere I am going – it was all wrapped up in this thing I was looking at. It was so beautiful to have, while I watched these people I share so much with participate in their rituals.

When it was my turn, as I tied my feather to the dreamcatcher, I cried harder, while what I had in my hands came into focus, in words, in my head.

I am so grateful, for my life. I am so grateful for my life. (I’m crying again writing this). I am so grateful for my life.

I felt liberated, and so substantial. Dense, and lofty. Dark, and light. Attached, and free. Flexible and sturdy. Vulnerable and strong. Overwhelmed, and grounded. I watched a great love of my life chose a place next to mine to tie his feather, mirroring its angle, silently holding his thoughts and wants dear to himself. I watched my sweet friend Cher give call to the universe to bring her sister back home. I watched one of my Heroes break apart a broken painting of his muse, and give a piece to each one of us. I watched my friend Gio honor his friends who have died of AIDS, a disease I’ve become intimately familiar with in the process of my education at school.

I watched so many wonderful people being present, being alive, being HERE, being them.

So much happened. So much I’m not mentioning. So many stories, paintings, pictures, songs, proses, dedications. So much space I’m holding for the world in this sore, tired frame, while I go about my dailys, integrating what I’ve experienced. Things that are happening for me, projects on the horizon that came about from this weekend and beyond, things to see, to do, to be, life to live. This was a fraction. Namaste. I bow to the light in all of you.

I am, arguably, on paper, in the worst financial situation of my adult life, right now. Rarely can I say I’ve felt so wealthy.

“I feel like a pearl of potential that’s finally been set in motion, snowballing down the favored slope of possibility I’ve only imagined the brilliant people must have randomly stumbled upon while slowly backing away from freaks like me.” Jan 28, 2007

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 03.28.08 - 2:59 pm

Inspiration and hope; In the words of another

Frequently, I have difficulty articulating what it is that we do at LRS and what I feel my place is in it all in a fashion that someone outside the troupe can readily assimilate. Often I find challenges in helping my friends and loved ones understand what they’re in for, and how different we are, when they come to see me perform, or share the experience of being a guest at the studio with me.

Recently, I became privy to a poetic, well-written and obviously heartfelt summation of a friends first experience at LRS. I feel very excited and privileged to share it with you, with permission by the author and our creative director.

REVIEW OF The Black Show at THE LITTLE RED STUDIO

The Little Red Studio is immersion theatre. I had no idea about this going in, and in fact, had thought, as I walked up to their seemingly unassuming red door just north of downtown, that I’d be seeing just what I’d been invited by theater coordinator Kerry Christensen to see: a show. You know, a show…a play. The kind where the same thing happens as has happened a hundred times before. You buy a ticket. You get program. You find your seat. The lights go out and something begins to happen on a stage. You watch whatever it is that happens. You leave. I had no idea how different this particular show was going to be.

When I walked up, the man at the door informed me that there was a reception around the corner and that I would be led back to the theatre once the space and the cast was ready. I remember one of my eyebrows going up as I looked at him, sort if in this quizzical Spock sort of way, as I thought “You mean I can’t just walk in and sit in the dark and prepare to watch something happen onstage?” Already this night was turning interesting.

I walked to the space around the corner and upon walking into what seemed to be the theater’s office space, I was asked by the first of many people that night who greeted me with a smile, to check in, which I did with two women who handed me a carnation, and offered me a glass of wine. They asked me to enjoy the string player who was filling the room with music, or to look at the art on the walls while I waited to be led to the space for the show.

The art, which I later realized were accurately painted images from the show I was about to see, were huge canvases, most definitely intriguing: nude bodies of various sizes and shapes in body paint, all with texture and feeling. This show was not going to be a tired rendition of Chekhov or Ibsen. I was getting really interested.

People milled around chatting, each carrying a flower like I was. The room felt somewhat like a cabaret, but with an edge. I could sense that I might end up being a participant in the evening…

We were here to see The Black Show, the Little Red Theatre’s second of three “color” shows, and this one in particular had caught my attention. It had been described to me as erotic, death-infused, and rich. These are themes which strike home with me, and having felt recently a need to connect with more passion in my life, and to explore my heart and mind in new adventurous ways, this sounded like a great show to go see.

Turns, out, it was a great show in which to particpate as well. What actually happens in the show? That is difficult to say. Every night is a little different. It all depends on what the participants bring to the the event in terms of their willingness and energy.

On this particular night, we were led from the reception to the theatre space in groups of three or four. My guide, in costume as emcee for the evening with face paint, a thick chain around his neck, and a billowing shirt, was Jeff, owner of the theatre and painter of the images I’d seen in the reception as it turned out. He explained with enthusiasm and sincerity, that he wanted to welcome us to the evening and then once inside, he divided our little group up, sending each of us off with a cast member to get a tour of the space.

Jeff was my guide and he started to show me around. And once inside of the Little Red Studio, a tour is appreciated, as we had entered a different world. This was no normal theatre space. The Little Red Studio did not contain rows of seats facing a stage. It felt more like a loft space designed for personal exploration and artistic experimentation.

There were rich colors, plush seats and cushions arranged all over in various configurations, as well as light and dark areas around the room and its various corners and nooks in which different elements of the performance itself laid in waiting for the night to begin. Jeff showed me the main staging area with its shadowy lighting and huge blank canvas against the back wall, a pedastal in the middle of another part ofthe room on which a perfect bodied girl in a tight latex jumpsuit wearing a gas mask stood observing people come in… you know…the usual fare for a night at the theatre.

All around the room, cast members toured other guest/participants through the space, explaining different things to them. A girl with red palm prints over her breasts walked by silently. Different other cast members, (or were they just visions of some kind….or more unsettling and exciting, other visitors to the Studio, just more engaged than I was?), made their way through the space as well, welcoming and preparing us all for the night.

It was difficult to tell who was cast member and who was spectator, but as I quickly realized, the most difficult thing for me to determine that night was whether or not I myself was a cast member or a spectator.

We were invited to take seats around the main performing area, and then the show began. It began without fanfare. It just began. Three butoh figures, came forth from the dark. If you’ve never seen butoh before, it is sort of like your worst nightmare come to life, mixed with delicate grace. The three cast members, looking like aged corposes, and painted head to toe with what looked like pale mud, staggered into the play space. They each were turned by other cast members to face the audience, where they then froze in place.

Each of three cast members who had turned them, proceeded to take a small container of black paint, and proceeded to pour that thick paint over the head of each still figure. As the paint dripped slowly down bodies to the floor, each of the cast members reached back for a martini glass, also filled with paint, and a paint brush. They proceeded to look for people in the audience to whom to hand the glass and brush combo.

This wasnt an empty gesture, or a trite way of suggesting that we might at some point break the “fourth wall”. This was an invitation, which I accepted and which we all did, and within minutes, we were all particpant performers, painting these three ghostly figures ourselves. At the Little Red Studio, there is no fourth wall, or third, second, or first for that matter.

After the body painting, we were asked by our emcee to make our way to another part of the Studio space to see two women writhing and flowing and intertwining in the middle of the floor to music. These women, erotic and sensual and not pornographic, were described by our emcee as goddesses interacting as they want to be seen.

As soon as they were done with their display, we were brought to another area of the space to hear poetry, read slam style, by the very cast members who we’d bodypainted just an bit before.

The cast then invited people to taste chocolate in the center of the space, a richness that made the sensory offerings of earlier in the night very tactile and real. The night then relaxed into an open party for a bit, with dancing, music, and wine flowing as people made their way around and through the space as if it was a nightclub. Performers and spectators interacted as one. This is the Little Red Studio’s idea of an intermission: it was a continuation of the theme.

The Little Red Studio never breaks character because there are no characters to break. Its performers are living their art and they invite you to live yours as well. Like I said, its immersion theatre.

There’s an apprehension with any theatre like this…and for the record, I want to say that there isnt much theatre out there in the world like this, and probably for that very reason: it makes you nervous, albeit in the best possible way. At the Little Red Theatre, you find yourself with that same worry that you might have when an entertainer is looking for a volunteer for his or her show looks in your direction and starts to motion towards you. Its a sense of “do I really want to be here right now?”.

But you do. Because to say no to the experience is to limit life. When it all comes down, I realize again and again that there is so much truth to whoever it was who said “I will never regret the things I have done, just the things I haven’t done.” The Little Red Studio offers you the chance to try things you haven’t done, if you have the courage to say yes to the experience. I found myself excited and intruigued, nervous and at the same time ready for anything.

We reconvened in the main performing space to watch an arial bondage piece that made me want to study knots in which a woman, tied by her partner, is swung around the space from a rig connected to a point in the center of the ceiling. It was seductive, enticing, and unsettling at the same time. He was too good with the knots he tied, and she was too easily tied. I liked it. It made me reflect on power and control, in a passionate context.

We watched the girl who was wearing the gas mask and latex earlier, be body painted on an altar of sorts, now wearing neither latex or mask. She was a vision, perfect, and captivating. All of this screamed of the themes of the night: of sensuousness, richness, life, and avoiding death by delving more into life itself.

Throughout these seemingly disjointed experiences, there is spoken text of course…but not in a traditional sense. Narrators guide us through the expeirence with thoughts death and life and the pursuit of passion. There is a tactile sense to everything, from the words themselves, to the rich red fabric which covers a naked form writhing on the floor, to the ending of the piece, which was the most tactile of all.

The cast assembles in the center of the stage and performers invite by extended hand each member of the audience to approach the cast and stand in front of them…there, the cast showers attention on the audience member, with smiles, with feathers that brush against your face, with laughter, with hands on your arms and eye contact…and you just take it in and say yes to it. It is a ritual of passage from the show back out into the world, and that touch and connection is a feeling more than anything else that you can bring into your day to day lives and continue to long for as you go through the sameness of your day.

And long for it you will, long after the lights in the theatre space come up.

The Little Red Studio offers not just this show but many others. Having had a chance to see their recent two man show on manhood and gender, I can assure you that this is a space that is being well used to challenge, inform, and to forge new theatrical ground in Seattle.

The space deserves your patronage, and even more than that, you, passionate reader, deserve to create space in your life to be there in order to experience it all. Its worth it, and so are you.

In the last few weeks, as I have struggled with my bodies sophisticated, yet debilitating compensation patterns, and face another MRI of my impinged spine, I have been tumbling with the possible reality that it may be time to leave my aerial career behind for good. I am fascinated by my body, its ability to rotate, guard, pinch, splint, and shape around whatever is causing all this purposeful chaos.

And of course, I am scared. However it’s been fun and challenging to re-think my role at the studio, were my being grounded to be the case, and how excited I am to continue branching into other outlets and energy exchanges there.

Gregs words have fueled my passion for the company, the troupe, and what we are collectively sharing with the world. I’ve replenished inspiration and drive regarding my contributions to this entity that has shaped my life so much, enriched my human experience boundlessly, and shown me what it is, for me, to hope and be free. I feel invigorated, released into broader possibilities, and hold an even higher regard for what it is we invoke, and what we are becoming, at LRS. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Greg.

Greg can be reached with comments and questions through the Little Red Studio.

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Submitted by courtnee in public - 09.10.07 - 12:05 am

I am a delicate flower

studio10-08e.jpg

I have decided on my next tattoo, to embellish the one I have on my lower back. It will be a cherry blossom branch, stylized and colored. I’ve decided to put the piece on my credit card so I can get it done right away, once I find the artist. It’s going to be fucking gorgeous.

Simply put, the cherry blossom represents “Spiritual Beauty”. The symbolism in both Chinese and Japanese culture is lovely, and well suited for me;

For the Chinese the cherry blossom is a very significant symbol of feminine power, beauty and sexuality and often holds an idea of feminine dominance. Herbal lore describes the cherry blossom as often being the symbol of love.

For the Japanese it represents the transience of life, as the cherry blossom is a very delicate flower that blooms for a short time. An example of great beauty and sadness, the samurai saw the cherry blossom as a melancholy reminder of death amidst life. Coming to terms with their mortality allowed them to live their lives fully, with little use for pettiness, argument, callousness or cruelty.

The cherry blossom is a reminder that our life will not last, a representation of beauty in feminine form, and it captures the sense of dignity and strength contained within something so fragile and fleeting.

It’s perfect. I am so ready. It’s time to own that I am a delicate flower, to come to real peace with it and treasure how I am in my soul and honor that – always. I can still joke about being a “delicate fucking flower, you shitlicking fuckhole!”, but all the progress and work I’ve put into myself over the last few years has been to come to terms with my vulnterability and delicacy, see it as a strength than a weakness. I want a reminder of how far I’ve come, that I have everything I need inside myself, and that often it resides in the last place I think to look for it. At this point, what holds me back the most is forgetting

I want something beautiful and feminine and complex and sexual and blood fucking red that wraps around me and embraces my body like I visualize myself comforting my inner child. I am so excited. Just telling people about what the thing means to me will remind me that I know how to be a better person.

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