I would like to preface this entry with a resounding “I am ok”.

The “Hail Mary” is one of those drops where you are really screwed if you miss your mark. I don’t do many drops like that because I’m much more comfortable with the kind that you’re all wrapped up and fairly safe in. Generally the worst that happens when I mess up is I chickenwing an arm or something and get a rope burn.

For those who understand, I’ll explain the drop: It’s a catchers with a single wrap on the loose leg. You then cinch up with the rope over your shoulder and position your back to the pole of the rope, holding over your head. You then grab the tail end close to your hip and undo the wrap around your leg. When you let go of your top hand, you pitch forward like in a Salto drop, and bring your top hand directly to the rope on your hip. As your body rotates the rope pops into what was your top hand, and you are in a bit of a variation of a flag.

Bev has a video of this drop on her wiki,

I’m fairly new to this drop, and the last few times I’ve done it I’ve instinctually not placed my hand directly on the rope at my hip, but waited for my body go through the entire rotation to upright again and grabbed at the pole at that point, which was directly in front of me or passing to my left side. Basically there are two opportunities to catch the rope, and I was apparently partial to the later one.

Welp, I missed the rope today. My form wasn’t tight enough or something and I did not rotate directly up/down, my body pivoted to the side just enough, so when it came time to grab the rope it wasn’t as close to me as I’m used to. I caught the rope with my fingertips but was never able to grip, and only succeeded in stunting the momentum of my eventual 13-or-so foot fall to the floor.

Unlike the only other drop I’ve really fallen out of (twice, haha), my hand was not in a position to assist me on the way down. Usually, if you just hang the fuck on and prepare your shoulders, you can land upright, IME. I could take no weight and I was not able to right myself. All I could think was to try not to fall on my head, while still in a slow head-over-feet rotation that I had little control over.

When I landed I hit the crash mat on my left shoulder, then further tumbled onto my neck. The impact knocked the wind out of me but I remained conscious.

Once I was on the ground, I immediately began wiggling my toes and my fingers to ensure I hadn’t paralyzed myself and started in on my self diagnostics.. Although my brain was functioning just after I hit, externally, all I could do was let out a series of horrifying moans. It was one of the creepiest things ever. I kept thinking, jesus christ this is weird, but I can’t NOT make this noise, and I recall being glad that there were no kids in the gym at the time.

I imagine that sensation was a lot like tourettes, there was just no stopping those moans from coming. I was hot and in shock and I couldn’t feel much of the left side of my body and I knew I had fallen partially on my head and I knew how bad that could be and all I could do was twitch and moan like a retard in heat. But the entire time there was a background process of very logical evaluation going on, too, which made it even weirder. It was like I was capable of being two places at once. It was sorta like an out of body experience I guess.

So. Fucking. Weird.

Within seconds Kari, Bev and Mick were tending to me, getting me flat on my back and getting me iced and asking questions and such. After about 3 minutes I called Rob to take me to the ER to get Xrays, even though I was fairly certain that I had not broken anything. I was already trying to figure out who was going to take my place tomorrow at Critical Massive, scanning my memory for anything else I might have to take a raincheck or not do at all while I recovered, and cracking laughs about how spectacular my ability to be an utter dork really is.

I was able to sit up fairly quickly and immediately took the proper dose of ibprohpin. I was able to walk myself into the ER an hour or so later when I ride had arrived, was seen within 20 minutes, and had a bunch of nice people helping me (Swedish on First Hill pretty much rules.)

Structurally, my neck is fine, but the doctor found a compression fracture in my T-8 vertebrae a little farther down. It’s small, but compression fractures in the spine never really heal. Over time it will compress more and get worse, effect my posture and cause me problems as I age. I told him I would just add it to the long list of shit that’s going to cause me massive pain when I’m 60.

He suspects, because of how tender my spine is, that it happened as a result of this fall, but it is possible I have had it for some time, too. As far as actual spine pain goes, that area has been sensitive from time to time. There is really no way to know for sure. My body position when I landed was correct for this kind of injury, but this is certainly not the first time I’ve landed on my head.

I am disappointed that I won’t be performing tomorrow, but I am extensively relieved that this did not happen tomorrow in the grass in Mt. Vernon over a tiny little futon mattress. Rob questions my likelihood of survival under those conditions and I tend to agree.

Periodically, as an aerialist, I’ve thought about the weight of risk vs. reward with some of the drops I choose (not) to do. There are a number of drops that you simply must catch or you’re splattering on the ground, and generally I avoid them. In this case, my personal style leaned toward the more dangerous of two options, when really I should have probably forced myself to practice it the safer way until it was second nature.

There was also a very good reason, I think, that it took me nearly a year of setting up, and wussing out, to do the Hail Mary. It’s never fun to get hurt, or to see other friends get hurt doing this shit, but often I find myself thankful for my injuries and the reality checks they provide me. I get over zealous sometimes, I get cocky, and sometimes when I’m up there I stop thinking, and all of those things could be deadly.

I am extremely, ridiculously sore, and stiff, and quite tired. But I am alive, all of my limbs still work, and in good spirits. I said to Rob while in a neck brace in the ER, that a large part of getting through things like this is the health of spirit, and even if I found out my neck was broken and I was on the verge of paralyzing myself at every step, I would be ok, because I felt like I would be ok, and that was the most important thing.

I still have to drive up to Mt Vernon tomorrow to deal with the rigging for Critical Massive, but I did find someone to perform for me so I don’t have to feel like a lameass flake in addition to being too sore to wipe my own ass. Now THAT would have fucking sucked.

And let’s hear a little something for my cat-like reflexes; apparently, according to bev who saw the entire drop, I had the foresight to take my glasses off before I hit the mat. HAhahah!