The Grief Recovery Method

“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.” — Akshay Dubey

As a certified Grief Recovery Specialist since 2014, I combine my education and life experience as a movement instructor, somatic bodyworker, street medic, and massage therapist in my approach to teaching The Grief Recovery Method, a proven recovery program for those experiencing the confusion, isolation, and loneliness caused by loss.

In a program of 8 sessions, that are ~90 minutes each, we will:

  • Define grief and loss in a tangible, straightforward way
  • Dismantle the myths and misconceptions regarding “the grief process”
  • Learn to respectfully enroll others in parts of our grief processes.
  • Empower ourselves to better support loved ones through loss.
  • Address what about your most impactful loss is left incomplete, and complete it.
  • Leave with a repeatable structure from which to efficiently approach future (and past) grief experiences.

The Grief Recovery Method is much more than a support group, it is a program of action that will help you change. I will teach you measurable steps to peel away your own layers of rationalization and avoidance to get to the heart of the matter, while enrolling your bodies inherent wisdom in the process.

What is Grief?

“Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” – The Grief Recovery Institute®

Grief is a stigmatized and misunderstood emotional experience that is most often automatically met with immediate intellectualization. To cope we focus on our circumstantial stories of our grief experiences, which often attempt to belittle and rationalize our emotional responses that must be witnessed and honored to be handled effectively.

But conflicting emotions are your normal, natural response to loss, and what we commonly learn about navigating grief are myths that encourage us to quietly poison ourselves by effectively holding on to what is meant to move through us. Our familiar behaviors are ways of thinking that keep us fundamentally disconnected from the relief and interconnection that comes from authentically experiencing the impacts of loss, and then moving on.

We in our culture of imperialism and consumption are taught an avalanche about how to acquire; people, money, valuables, mementos, even freedom, identity, employment. Most of us in what is known as the Western world have been presented with virtually no relevant, useful guidance in regards to how to handle the inevitable loss of these things we covet; a skill that our ever-changing planet, failing economy, evolving consciousness, and sociopolitical climate demand of us more and more every day.

How are we to reconcile inter-generational trauma, meet the social demands of a fast-shifting world, or even just return to work after the sudden loss of a loved one, when the grief recovery advice we’ve gotten is shit like:

Myths about Grief

There are 7 tidy “stages” of grief
Time heals all wounds
Replace the loss
Grieve alone
Be strong
Don’t feel bad
Keep busy

You’ve probably heard and experienced these pervasive and insidious myths about grief in action for most of your life. For example: “Don’t feel bad” often takes the form of statements like “It could have been so much worse”, “Remember the good times you had together”, “Don’t cry”, “She wouldn’t want you to be sad”, “She’s at peace with God now”, and “Look on the bright side”.

Though we often buckle under the cumulative weight of these approaches, and sometimes internalize this collective phenomenon of misunderstanding as being an inescapable lack within ourselves, our difficulty and confusion in maneuvering grief experiences is not a personal failure or a personality disorder; though the impact of unresolved grief is often diagnosed as such.

Beginning to dismantle the misinformation

Another example: “Time Heals”. It’s one of the most common of the six major myths about grief, and potentially the most devastating of them as well, because it paralyzes us into non-action when waiting for time to heal your emotional wounds is like waiting for time to fill a flat tire.

Try looking at it this way; Whether the wound be present in the physical tissues of your body (which respond automatically with inflammation, fluids, and fibroblasts to begin the repair process) or in the emotions of your perceptive being, correct and appropriate actions are what heal, not time.

So imagine then for a moment, “being strong”, and “staying busy”, potentially attempting to “replace your loss”, “grieving alone”, trying “not to feel bad”, all while plowing down the road of your life on a flat fucking tire. How are we to do right by our lands, our families, our friends, our neighbors, or our selves, under these circumstances?

At best, the notions encapsulated in these myths we semi-consciously propagate offer a temporary, superficial distraction. Their healing power is mythical, rooted in expressing intellectual truths, rather than addressing the holistic emotional process of grief that’s underway.

You are not alone

How often have you noticed conflicting feelings (I.E. more grief!) regarding the status quo responses to heartbreak? Perhaps you’ve even felt a sense of anger, resentment, or hopelessness simply due to the expectation that you must respond with gratitude to these unhelpful platitudes. How often have you noticed grief when you automatically run this superficial script in an attempt to support others, knowing deep down that something isn’t right about it? How often have you felt frustrated that no one seems to know how to actually HELP?

Misguided grievers are not lacking in courage, or even the desire to feel better, nor are their loved ones who wish to help. Yet, embodying the myths of grief and grieving is what most of us have been taught, so that is what we do, because we only have immediate access to what we have already learned, and we are also taught to stigmatize ourselves and each other for what we don’t already know.

For many people, the decision to commit to doing something new to help themselves is in itself a turning point in the quality of their relationships, and in their life. What better time to rise to this challenge than now?

About the program

The Grief Recovery Method® is comprised of proven session programs that have helped thousands of people let go of the pain, the confusion, and the suffering surrounding the loss they have experienced in their lives.

The program is non-secular, and will work for anyone, regardless of your faith, spiritual belief system, or other forms of orientation.

The Grief Recovery Method® is not a support group, counseling, or extended open-term therapy. It is a method of completing grief through simple and small actions taught in either a one on one setting or in a small group.

We start by further examining and dismantling the unhelpful coping strategies that were passed down to us — we’ve started with the myths already (Yeah! Fuck you, “Time heals!”), establishing rapport and introducing key concepts.

I then guide you through experiential learning of a better way (that actually works) of completing your emotional losses, by working one of your losses through the method with you.

Material and time commitment

All Grief Recovery programs I offer require your own copy of The Grief Recovery HandBook. You will need to bring a notepad and pen to every session, and expect to do 2-4 hours of ‘homework’ between weekly/bi-weekly coaching sessions.

Programs are offered in the following three formats:

Weekly for 8 weeks
Twice-weekly for 4 weeks
In a 2.5 day weekend intensive

Group sessions are up to two hours, one on one sessions are usually an hour to 90 minutes, intensives are 8 hours daily.

Please note that it is often very difficult for me as an itinerant artist to organize a group; they generally only happen when a participant enrolls their community in creating one. If you have questions, interest, or would like to talk with me about offering grief recovery to yourself or your wider community, please fill out the form below.