April 25, 2012, 11:32 am in public

Life with Facebook - Resolution

It’s been 3 1/2 weeks since I deactivated my Facebook account due to temporary mental meltdown, and I am now happily back on Facebook with a new strategy and sense of the sites purpose.

I transformed my Facebook experience from an anxiety producing time suck into a manageable, fun activity (and learned some awesome shit along the way)

The short of it is: I’ve decided that the people I want on my Facebook are people that I like ‘hearing from’ in some way as often as I check my Facebook feed, which is multiple times per day — people I want to be that constantly connected with. I went from 547 facebook friends to 80.

I did that by asking the following of every connection I had on my Facebook:

  • Are they a person I would call were I in trouble, in town, or had big personal news to share (like having cancer, getting a big promotion, or a death in the family)
  • Have I been shown or would I welcome vice-versa?
  • Are they people I converse with about deeper subject matter than the weather, sarcastic jokes, the “good old days” 10 years ago, or what art projects I am up to lately?
  • Do they update their own Facebook regularly?
  • Do I want to know what they’re up to every time I check my newsfeed?

I also got really clear and honest about a few things:

Social pressure and politics: Anyone who was on my personal profile because of guilt, obligation, or some other form of uncomfortable social pressure is no longer there.

Filters: Anyone who was under my “restricted” filter, or whose updates I had hidden or usually skip in my feed, were also removed — which included ex’s, the intensely religious, performers and people I just don’t have a lot in common with anymore.

Positive spam: My wall is now set so I am the only one who can post to it. My profile is dynamic and transient purposely, and I’ve often felt anxious about deleting other peoples posts while I periodically scrub my profile, which I do often. Whether it’s on my wall or tagged on theirs, both of our lists of friends can see it, so I have removed the responsibility of conspicuously maintaining the life of lolcats and inspirational quotes that people are thoughtful enough to share with me.

My experience making these changes has been exceedingly grounding and positive. I feel good about my decisions and about the people I have chosen to keep in touch with differently than through my personal facebook. My sense is that my friends list will probably top around 100 and stay there or below from now on. 100 is a much more manageable and appropriate number for the way I like to use my profile.

By the same token, I now use my artist page to post a lot more stuff, including posts from neevita, and to keep in touch with my friendly acquaintances. People I’ve met with or worked with on shows, my students, Vita Arts contributors, clients and coworkers are among the connections I direct to the artist page, and I have noticed that the value of my passing social interactions have increased by being less saturated with acquaintances’ everyday chatter.

Additionally, I did exactly the same thing with the pages I had liked. I went from a daily feed full of pages like “I don’t need Anger management, you just need to shut up” to ones like “Street Art Utopia” and “Our Beautiful World & Universe”.

I don’t know if this is a general guide to being happier with Facebook or anything, but I am consistently in a much better mood nowadays, and doing this stuff really worked well for me.

April 17, 2012, 9:52 am in public

Away

Went up to Guemes Island for a day of R&R last Saturday, and boy did I need it. Let’s start the slideshow with a picture of my fistfull of dead babies.

April 9, 2012, 1:44 pm in public

Life without Facebook - Day 5

It’s been a week since I removed my profile from Facebook.

With the exception of the occasional realization like “Hmm, I would take a picture of this street art and post it on Facebook if I still had a Facebook..”, and occasionally thinking of people I miss keeping track of, it’s been absolutely marvelous.

The conversations I’m having around not having the profile almost completely revolve around the experience of being unable to connect profoundly with myself, form sturdy opinions, and stay in a place of self awareness while using my Facebook to process fledgling thoughts and allowing a group dynamic to inform how they evolve.

Additionally, the sense of vacation and welcome quiet are helping me integrate the things I am learning about myself now that I’m accessing my needs, and taking the time and energy to connect with myself and the people who are important to me, directly.

A danger I’ve discovered about Facebook especially, but also any form of community really, is the loss of the true definition of “friend”. I am taking that word back and reeling in who falls under that reverence.

As a side benefit I am realizing some things about the care and consideration I require of the people who are actually close to me, as well as considering how to compassionately manage people who think of themselves as such who have been, as it turns out, overprivileged.

My experience away from Facebook has become about clarity, understanding and acceptance. I am currently enjoying a secure sense of strength and certainty. My prediction is that I will return to Facebook sometime in the next few weeks, with a very different approach to how I utilize it in the communication of my thoughts and feelings.

April 3, 2012, 5:38 am in public

Friendemy.

Over the last few weeks, the life cycle of a typical facebook status of mine is about two days. I’ve removed hundreds of people from my friends list, attempting to identify my social roots and what facebook really taps into as far as my actual life and how I keep in touch with the people I care about. I’ve been uncomfortable, insecure, and upset, and centering that around controlling what’s become the main social outlet of my life.

It’s a complex thing, society, and how one chooses to interact with it. However, ultimately, I’ve come to the conclusion that the way I use my personal facebook hurts me more than it helps me.

Facebook has become a way to feed a starving ego with junk food that doesn’t actually matter, with compliments that can’t really mean anything, and with conflicts I don’t need in my life. It’s a way to frequently wipe out my existence without dying. It’s a way to attempt to convince myself that people care about me (or don’t), that I’m not being cheated on (or am), that at least someone out there thinks my art is worth a shit (or doesn’t), depending on what assumption about myself I want to feed. It’s a way to feel like I have some kind of lay of the land of my social life that gives me a perceived advantage or understanding that doesn’t actually exist. And it’s become this way under my nose, subconsciously, where I don’t see what it is I am doing until long after I’ve done it.

Though Facebook can often provide a great sounding board and access to some fun stuff, more and more I’m noticing that Facebook is a networking application, not a social one. That seems like a no-brainer, but forgive me, I’m slow and stupid and fear intimacy. I fear it so much that I’ve done with Facebook what I, at one time, did with phuqed.org — I’ve replaced my relationship with myself with a bunch of one-dimensional fragments that I can’t count on.

Over the last few months I’ve basically been making myself sick with Facebook, thrashing and spitting and posting and deleting, as I’ve systematically disabled and removed my other social accounts online. I’ve stopped understanding why I put myself out there, to be judged and assumed and commented on as if a couple lines of fucking text provide anything more than another thing for another person to manipulate and react to. I’ve been retreating, into myself and eventually to here, where The Stuff That Matters gets put.

Shrinking away from all of it feels like some kind of awful, drawn out death. I hope and expect it will result in some kind of rebirth. I’m miserable, and this isn’t helping me. Some things need to change — Starting with how much time I spend on the computer or tapping on the phone desperately trying to reach a mass of people I feel hopelessly disconnected and alien from.

My disabled account is intentional. I plan, at least for now, to keep it that way.

March 11, 2011, 3:12 pm in quotes
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“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee

January 15, 2011, 11:20 pm in updates
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Enjoying an intimate and lovely afterparty for HASML. Just freakin love these people and the experience of putting on this show. Bigger audience, next time.

November 21, 2010, 8:42 pm in public

A rant about personal responsibility in relationships.

Alright. Let’s be real here. We’re adults now. I hang out with adults now, rely on adults now and do business with adults now. So I’m wondering why it is that the same irritating, juvenile, immature situation continues to come up in my life that I thought we grew out of in middle school.

That situation is being excluded from my friends lives for indefinite periods of time because their girlfriends are insecure about me.

As far as my research, a lifetime of being “The girl that girlfriends freak out over”, it doesn’t matter if I have even met these women. It doesn’t matter if I’ve ever fucked their boyfriends or ever wanted to fuck their boyfriends. It doesn’t matter if I’ve had lunch with their boyfriends once a week for 15 years or if the last time I saw their boyfriends I wore mohair Kurt sweaters and converse. It doesn’t even matter if I interact with their boyfriends in a purely professional fashion. It doesn’t matter that I’m dignified, honest, and even if I did want to fuck their boyfriends, am completely capable of keeping my dick in my fucking pants and respecting their relationships and their decisions.

Over and over again, I come to find that men have disappeared from my life because the relationships they are choosing are so fragile, so fucking ridiculously mis-matched, that the people who are supposed to love and support them become the supposed ‘reason’ they turn their backs on me — who more often than not has been more supportive, consistent, and accepting over the course of years than the girl who’s been around two months will ever be.

Newsflash, assclowns: Jealousy is something you can talk through. Being vulnerable together strengthens your bond. I could be the best fucking thing that ever HAPPENED to your relationship and your progression as human beings. Insecurity is something you can admit. Someone elses insecurity is something that can exist without being a threat to you. Discomfort is something you can discuss without ultimatums and controlling bullshit. Part of being a fucking adult is working through shit like this like adults.

I’ve got a little bit of a wake-up call for you controlling, vindictive ladies. Even if you think you’re getting what you want, slowly but surely, your boyfriends whom you mistrust end up not being your boyfriends anymore. Probably because both of you are acting like a couple fucking assholes. Then your ex’s come to me and tell me why they disappeared, and guess what happens. *I* am their *FRIEND*, and your pussywhip can’t maintain what my friendship can. I stay. You go. And it has nothing to do with me wanting your boyfriends dick.

So take it from me, in all my brutal honesty. You can’t compete with me. You’re not supposed to be trying to compete with me.

Whether it’s because your man is a being a liar, or a acting like a fucking coward because he feels incapable of being honest with you, the relationship is not right for you. Whether it’s because you’re a fucking dingbat and expect to find your self esteem in controlling your partners friendships, or you think you need me to be a beacon of blame for what goes wrong between the two of you, it’s not right for you.

When it comes right down to it, if you can’t get to a place where you can handle me remaining in my friends life, the relationship isn’t right for you. Just fucking leave already, give me my friend back, and save us all a bunch of hassle.

And you, friends who find it so simple to cast me off while it seems convenient to manage the emotions of the chick you’re currently fucking: Get your fucking head out of your ass. At least have the nuts left over after busting one in your girls sperm conduit to stand by your decisions and tell me what’s going on, so I can make an informed, adult decision as to whether your kind of friendship is a worthwhile investment for me.

I’m too old for this shit.

October 19, 2010, 2:02 pm in updates
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Sometimes it seems impossible to maintain my boundaries without feeling anxious and small about how a person is going to respond to my doing so.

August 30, 2010, 1:14 pm in updates

I am THAT GUY. Haa haaa

August 10, 2010, 8:35 pm in public

How to be Alone

June 14, 2010, 11:27 am in updates
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Other than breathing some fuckers thickass perfume the entire flight back, thus wrecking my sinuses, SF was a hoot. Thank you for being you, Frank Ferrante

May 29, 2010, 12:40 pm in quotes
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I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not; However, there is a lot of life and relationship that happens in between.

November 16, 2009, 2:35 pm in public

Beaus new novel

Beau is using the month of November to draft a serial killer novel online. It’s a bit of a page turner and the style leaves most chapters at a cliffhanger, leaving people waiting for the next upload. He started the blog to keep himself accountable for the promise that he would write towards the novel every day. I am very proud of him and enjoy his writing very much – it is a special gift to see him working on a project he’s talked with me about in concept, especially during a month when he is also directing a play and publishing a poetry anthology. He’s quite gifted, and you should follow his blog this month.

http://beausnewnovel.blogspot.com/

September 28, 2009, 11:30 am in public

Nee turns 30, Monday Nov 2

I am turning 30. I am having a party. Are you confident I would not want to burn the house down upon your arrival, considering my guests collateral damage for wiping you off the planet? Then request an invitation from the facebook event to RSVP!

In addition, back by popular demand because you asked for it… wishlist for my 30th. See you guys on Nov 2.

Stuff I like..

  • Lunches
  • Massages
  • Baths
  • Tea (decaf or low caf)
  • Travel
  • Essential oils
  • Art Supplies
  • Music
  • Gift Certificates
  • Tall socks
  • Lacy things
  • Candles
  • Blank greeting cards
  • Handmade things
  • Corsets
  • Dark Chocolate

Stuff that’s crossed my mind recently…

A word about Money…

Money is a social necessity that becomes less and less of a priority as I age and develop my sense of what I find important in my life. I make very little, and generally do not have much left over after my modest monthly bills. One of my largest projects is a volunteer position as a founder of a non-profit, and often my performances are unpaid – I have chosen to do what fuels me, and have worked hard to reduce my financial footprint to where I can live how I want and not have to worry (too much) about making a lot of money or making my decisions based on that.

That said, money is a great gift for me. There are things I enjoy and/or would benefit greatly from that are difficult to acquire by means of trade or barter, and money is as versatile as my interests at the time. There is a stigma about money being a cop out gift, and in some respects I can see why. However, for me, money is great. I can use it to stroll the produce section and get my food for the day,  shoot myself into space, go see a movie with you, get some new paint colors, or pad the bank account for vita-arts.org. Neat stuff!

So if you’re stumped, strapped for time, across the country or whatever and a simple ‘happy birthday’ doesn’t float your boat, just send me a fatass check. I’ll totally dig it, and promise I will do something cool with it.

Here’s to making it this far!

September 10, 2009, 11:09 pm in playlists

“This will make you love again”

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Nick Cave & Warren Ellis – Carnival
Pink Martini – Que Sera Sera
Husky Rescue – New Light of Tomorrow
IAMX – Running
A Perfect Circle – Peace Love and Understanding
IAMX – Spit it Out
Waldeck – Fallen Angel
Inbar Bakal – The Bride
Peace Orchestra – Who Am I?
T.A.T.U. – How Soon is Now?
Naomi – White
Pink Martini – Veronique
Beth Gibbons & Rustin Man – Romance
Electric President – Bright Mouths
Barcelona – Please Don’t Go
IAMX – This Will Make You Love Again

July 16, 2009, 1:46 am in public

Ah, nostalgia..

I feel fortunate and full today. I am going to DEFCON this year. I just received my itinerary from whitetras and it’s official. I’m bringing someone important to me to show him vegas for the first time.

I first went in 1995, when I was 15 and neck deep in linux, drugs and Marlboro Reds, and I’d recently discovered this thing called the web, and frequently picked fights about Slackware being superior to RedHat. I recall, during a recent move, finally throwing away my Slackware 2.7 CD which I had been keeping for posterity.

I went to defcon religiously for a time, my entire social network of people living inside a computer. I didn’t know most of their real names. I spent night after late night online tinkering, listening to music for the jilted generation (come to think of it, I think someone I talked to used ‘jilted’ as a handle..) and waiting for the next defcon, so I could see all these people in person again – and hardly remember most of it.

When I got a little older, I started playing with music, and joined mp3.com in 1997. The internet was still like the wild west and we were changing everything. My hacker friends helped me choose my juno 106 (thanks tfish) and hooked me up with equipment to make recording easier (tip of the hat to you whiteknight). After I created my first original song in 1999, on the floor of my living room, juno fresh out of its shipping box, paid for with my job breaking software at Microsoft, I started making a little money with CD sales and streams on mp3.com.

I was interviewed with ABCNews for an article on female hackers, and later about my music being online, based on a recommendation from Jeff Moss, assuring the reporter (Sascha, another person I’ve kept in touch with) I was definitely not a scene whore. I’m not sure how accurate that assurance was, but it sure felt good at the time. I still boast that Jeff pierced my navel, under mild duress in my studio apartment, sometime in 1999. That sounds pretty scene whorish to me, but who am I to say. Maybe we were just, you know.. friends.

Countless things have happened since my first defcon, and my introduction to the hacker community. My first website complete with a blue satin background and ripped off animated fire gifs was created in 1995, hosting a splattering of terrible teenage poetry. In 1997, Lars from the IRC channel #suicide sent me a black and white quickcam, and the neecam was put online, one of the first webcams during the era of Jennicam and Anacam, both of which were more popular, active and racy.

I’ve occasionally contemplated what my life would have been like had I never discovered the internet and been part of a revolution. I can’t fathom it. I can’t fathom how I could have possibly found another pool of socially awkward, skinny, pale, wide-eyed geniuses to have sloppy, dysfunctional teenage relationships with either. One of many reasons I am very thankful that my life turned out how it did.

I happened upon this awesome article about some of my friends. The L0pht is a fine example of what’s happened with this culture of misfits and criminals, but this is something that’s happened all over the landscape we built 10 years ago and long before that. I remember writing a rant about the difference between the hackers, my friends, and the script kids that were getting all the bad press, writing worms and breaking websites for attention. The hackers meant for what’s described in this article to happen from the beginning. They were out to change the world.

LOpht in Transition
04/01/2007
Michael Fitzgerald/CSO

http://www.csoonline.com/read/040107/fea_lopht.html

Brian Oblivion. Kingpin. Mudge. Space Rogue. Stefan von Neumann. Tan. Weld Pond. That’s how the hacker group called the L0pht appeared before the Senate Subcommittee on Government Cybersecurity on May 19, 1998. They said, among other things, that they could take down the Internet in 30 minutes. The senators listened closely and afterward praised them effusively.

It was a landmark moment for hackers, shunned, derided and loathed by the technology industry. And it was a landmark for the L0pht too. Though the group was already known for its vulnerability disclosures, for the Hacker News Network, for tools like the hash cracking tool L0phtCrack, now “everybody [in the hacking community] wanted to be the L0pht,” remembers Jeff Moss, founder of the Black Hat and Defcon security conferences.

Not bad for a group that got its start when someone’s wife said it was time to get his computers out of the bathtub.

The L0pht shaped the way disclosures are handled and helped force vendors like Microsoft to change the way they address software security flaws. There’s no question, either, that by raising the visibility of security problems, the group spurred companies to begin paying more attention to security. “You knew you’d better rattle your own doorknobs before the hackers did,” says John Pescatore, a longtime information security analyst at Gartner.

Some think, though, that visibility has hurt software security. “They were the Led Zeppelin of gray hat hacking,” says Marcus Ranum, who is credited with creating the first commercial firewall product and is now CSO at Tenable Network Security. “By releasing gray hat tools and techniques they were able to get a tremendous amount of attention. And they opened the floodgates for all the bottom feeders that followed them.”

Ironically, it was Ranum himself who helped give the L0pht credibility. As CEO of NFR, which made software to find intruders on corporate networks, Ranum used the L0pht’s vulnerability research to strengthen his product, and hired the L0pht both to do a code review and to write modules for his product, giving the group a legitimate corporate client to tout. He says he considers the L0pht members his friends and says they are “great guys.” But he thinks those who have followed them find vulnerabilities almost as a way to blackmail corporations. He blames the L0pht, saying, “They have changed the industry for the worse.”

Nothing in the L0pht’s emergence from Boston’s bulletin board community in 1992 suggested it would achieve any more notoriety than other hacker collectives of the day. Brian Oblivion, a hacker with strong interests in radio communications, founded the group. Oblivion declined to be interviewed for this article, saying via Space Rogue that he was too busy. Chris Wysopal, who joined the L0pht in late 1992 as Weld Pond (a handle chosen by pointing at random at a map of the Boston area, because the bulletin board The Works forbade members to use real names), says that Oblivion “had so many computers in the bathroom that his wife couldn’t use it anymore.” She gave the group space in the South End artist’s loft where she made hats. And for several years, the L0pht was just a place for Oblivion and his friends to hang out after work and store their growing collection of computing equipment.

Among those friends were Space Rogue and a teenage hacker and skateboarder named Joe Grand, who went by the handle Kingpin (named for the bolt that runs through the truck, or axle, of a skateboard).

Grand calls from the road. He’s often on the road, literally—he is a triathlete good enough to have a sponsor. He’s 31 now and runs his own San Diego design shop, Grand Idea Studio, which has designed RFID and GPS modules for Parallax, an in-game videocamera for Gamecaster, and his best design yet, a video game accessory that he has licensed but can’t talk about.

Grand, an electrical engineer, has also written two books on hardware hacking and is a technical adviser to Make magazine. If all goes well with a pilot he’s recently shot, this fall we’ll see him on an engineering show on the Discovery Channel. Yet he’s nostalgic about the L0pht.

“I’m having a really hard time with realizing that I’m twice as old as when I joined the L0pht,” he says. “We did so many great things—what can I do to top that?”

The L0pht originally built a network so they could play Doom against each other. But they got more serious in 1994 and 1995, shedding some members and adding others with specific technical skills that complemented the group. They moved to a larger space in Watertown, Mass.

Excepting Grand, who was still in high school, all of the L0pht held various day jobs, often working together at places like Comp­USA, Massachusetts General Hospital or BBN Technologies, the fabled research lab (Weld Pond, Brian Oblivion, Mudge and Silicosis all worked there at some point). They kept their identities hidden, in part to keep their day jobs. Everyone in the hacking community knew Dan Farmer had been fired from his job for releasing the Satan network analyzer. But the group wanted to turn the L0pht into a day job.

The charismatic, long-tressed Peiter “Mudge” Zatko had emerged as the group’s public face, if not its de facto leader. He developed, along with Wysopal, L0phtCrack, a tool that revealed weak passwords. Released in 1997, it’s still available on some websites today. “Back then, the companies would pretend [vulnerabilities] weren’t real,” says Bruce Schneier, the noted cryptographer and CTO of BT Counterpane. Schneier says the L0pht’s ability to build tools like L0phtCrack forced vendors to address security problems. “That’s the reason we have more secure software today. If it wasn’t for that, Microsoft would still be belittling, insulting and suing researchers,” he says.

By late 1998, the L0pht was actively trying to attract venture capital and turn itself into a real business—it had pushed out Stefan von Neumann and a couple of other short-lived members, and hired Christien Rioux (known as Dildog) and Paul Nash (known as Silicosis) to support L0phtCrack and do custom work for companies like NFR. The L0pht was not the first group of hackers to offer professional services or tools, but even in the giddy late 1990s, hackers still had an unsavory reputation. Finally, @stake, a security consulting firm, came to the group with $10 million in VC money and told the L0pht it could continue its research. The members voted to join it.

Even so, that merger, announced Jan. 10, 2000, marked the symbolic end of the L0pht. Over the next few years, its members were fired or drifted away, and @stake itself was gobbled up by Symantec in 2004. The only member of the L0pht still there is Nash. The transition was particularly difficult for Zatko, who spent six months on disability and left @stake after just two years.

Today, Zatko’s office at BBN is a rest area for sundry things. There’s a dead computer on a chair, and a working circa-1940s polygraph machine on a table. In a corner are two fishing rods and an antenna, part of an impromptu communications experiment. There’s a guitar signed by one-time porn stars Barbara Dare and Jamie Summers. A bound copy of the L0pht’s testimony in front of the Senate is on a shelf. On one wall hangs a picture of him with President Bill Clinton and Vinton Cerf, in which Zatko’s light brown hair is still rock-star length. It’s short now, parted in the middle. He has a goatee and wears glasses. He’s sore from a boxing workout the night before, a reminder that he’s in his late 30s.

Zatko says he can’t talk about what he does at BBN, other than to say it’s security-related and for some unmentionable three-lettered government agencies. He also says he returned to BBN, which employed him in the 1990s, before the L0pht was his job, in part because BBN told him there could be no publicity about the projects he was working on. “That was attractive as hell,” he says.

But Zatko can’t seem to stay out of the spotlight. He is the obvious model for “Soxster,” one of the main characters in former cyberczar Richard A. Clarke’s new novel, Breakpoint (the L0pht itself appears as “the Dugout”). And he acknowledges that he still “wants to make a dent in the universe,” the old motto of the L0pht.

After an hour of talking about the L0pht, Zatko suggests a tour of the older parts of the BBN laboratory in Cambridge, dating from when it was an acoustics consultancy. He shows off the silent room, the amplification room, the sonar tank, the place where it developed Boomerang—a technology being used in Iraq to help find snipers—and he talks about how much he likes the variety of the cool ideas BBN pursues.

“Originally, the L0pht was meant as a microcosm of here,” he says, with a wistful expression.

The spirit of the L0pht lives on most directly at Veracode, the security software company started by Wysopal and Rioux after they left Symantec in 2005. The company launched at the RSA Security Conference in February.

Wysopal post-L0pht helped codify responsible disclosure policies and establish the Organization of Internet Safety, and while starting Veracode he also managed to be lead author of The Art of Software Security Testing, published in December 2006.

Wysopal, at a rangy 6 foot 2 inches, was the tallest member of the L0pht and the oldest (he’s now 41). Rioux (whose handle Dildog was the original name Dilbert creator Scott Adams gave to Dogbert) was the shortest and youngest (now 29).

In early January, sitting in the conference room at Veracode, the two play Click-and-Clack about their time at the L0pht, and the purpose of Veracode, which in a real sense extends the L0pht’s mission: to make software more secure, in this case by offering a Web-based service that automatically checks software for security flaws, via a clever—and patented—technique for data flow modeling and modeling control flow analysis developed by Rioux.

Told of Ranum’s comments, Rioux makes a slight grimace. “The days are over when we should be flinging mud over the Internet about vulnerabilities,” he says.

Veracode has pulled in $19.5 million in capital from Polaris Venture Partners, Atlas Venture and .406 Ventures. While it has competitors, such as Coverity, Fortify and Ounce Labs, Veracode’s approach is “a cool spin” on existing security technology, according to Gartner’s Pescatore.

Both Wysopal and Rioux believe Veracode is ready to sharply reduce the world’s total number of software vulnerabilities.

The L0pht, then, are all now unquestionably legitimate, and their evolution serves as a metaphor for the security business, which is now mainstream. Companies like Microsoft and Oracle have developed methods to take care of vulnerabilities, and the L0pht deserves some credit for that turn of events. While the disclosure wars are again raging, thanks to bug-a-day campaigns and other ploys by the hackers of today, the L0pht’s overall impact on corporate security has been positive, say many, including Howard Schmidt, who knew the L0pht both in his role as a computer forensics investigator at the Air Force and as CSO at Microsoft.

Still, some vendors continue to try to shove security issues under the rug, and there is no question that more of the Internet is under attack today than ever before. So what of that?

Peter Neumann (no relation to the L0pht’s Stefan von Neumann) is 74 and still a principal scientist at SRI, working on security issues. He also testified before the Senate subcommittee on that day in May 1998. He says security vulnerabilities are a part of a much bigger set of problems that have existed for 40 years and probably will exist 40 years from now. But he chuckles when asked about the L0pht, saying, “They were pointing out that the emperor has no clothes on, and nobody wants to hear that, but they did it in a tasteful way that made people listen. They made a difference.”

I’m so very proud of my friends, and feel fortunate today to have had these people in my life as examples. Hell, just today I discovered a hacker friend of mine, Josh Klein (who I met after handles weren’t quite so important to ones safety, so I don’t know his) was not only the speaker in a TED talk, some of the most amazing presentations on the planet, but was in Oprah fucking magazine talking about his passions and experiments. My peeps are DOING something.

I, too, am out there doing my part to make a dent in the universe. I support a company I believe in as I make my base living to earn the stable springboard life situation I’ve built to do my more risky work. I’ve found a way to channel my compulsion to express and tell vivid stories, and the skills I’ve picked up along the way, toward a non-profit that matters. I have done some meaningful things, and I am growing, expanding, discovering new routes and possibilities nearly every day. I’ve come a long way from the girl who was found passed out under a van before defcon 6 had even started.

For a time, I wondered if my life choices, and the people I spent time with, were the reason I seemed so fucked up and constantly struggling. I wonder 15 years later, if they’re a part of the reason that, right now, I’m not.

May 29, 2009, 11:55 pm in public

Fierce Blonde

blond-dreads1.jpg

Hair by Fiercelocks. Everything else, including picture, by me.

March 28, 2008, 2:59 pm in public

Inspiration and hope; In the words of another

Frequently, I have difficulty articulating what it is that we do at LRS and what I feel my place is in it all in a fashion that someone outside the troupe can readily assimilate. Often I find challenges in helping my friends and loved ones understand what they’re in for, and how different we are, when they come to see me perform, or share the experience of being a guest at the studio with me.

Recently, I became privy to a poetic, well-written and obviously heartfelt summation of a friends first experience at LRS. I feel very excited and privileged to share it with you, with permission by the author and our creative director.

REVIEW OF The Black Show at THE LITTLE RED STUDIO

The Little Red Studio is immersion theatre. I had no idea about this going in, and in fact, had thought, as I walked up to their seemingly unassuming red door just north of downtown, that I’d be seeing just what I’d been invited by theater coordinator Kerry Christensen to see: a show. You know, a show…a play. The kind where the same thing happens as has happened a hundred times before. You buy a ticket. You get program. You find your seat. The lights go out and something begins to happen on a stage. You watch whatever it is that happens. You leave. I had no idea how different this particular show was going to be.

When I walked up, the man at the door informed me that there was a reception around the corner and that I would be led back to the theatre once the space and the cast was ready. I remember one of my eyebrows going up as I looked at him, sort if in this quizzical Spock sort of way, as I thought “You mean I can’t just walk in and sit in the dark and prepare to watch something happen onstage?” Already this night was turning interesting.

I walked to the space around the corner and upon walking into what seemed to be the theater’s office space, I was asked by the first of many people that night who greeted me with a smile, to check in, which I did with two women who handed me a carnation, and offered me a glass of wine. They asked me to enjoy the string player who was filling the room with music, or to look at the art on the walls while I waited to be led to the space for the show.

The art, which I later realized were accurately painted images from the show I was about to see, were huge canvases, most definitely intriguing: nude bodies of various sizes and shapes in body paint, all with texture and feeling. This show was not going to be a tired rendition of Chekhov or Ibsen. I was getting really interested.

People milled around chatting, each carrying a flower like I was. The room felt somewhat like a cabaret, but with an edge. I could sense that I might end up being a participant in the evening…

We were here to see The Black Show, the Little Red Theatre’s second of three “color” shows, and this one in particular had caught my attention. It had been described to me as erotic, death-infused, and rich. These are themes which strike home with me, and having felt recently a need to connect with more passion in my life, and to explore my heart and mind in new adventurous ways, this sounded like a great show to go see.

Turns, out, it was a great show in which to particpate as well. What actually happens in the show? That is difficult to say. Every night is a little different. It all depends on what the participants bring to the the event in terms of their willingness and energy.

On this particular night, we were led from the reception to the theatre space in groups of three or four. My guide, in costume as emcee for the evening with face paint, a thick chain around his neck, and a billowing shirt, was Jeff, owner of the theatre and painter of the images I’d seen in the reception as it turned out. He explained with enthusiasm and sincerity, that he wanted to welcome us to the evening and then once inside, he divided our little group up, sending each of us off with a cast member to get a tour of the space.

Jeff was my guide and he started to show me around. And once inside of the Little Red Studio, a tour is appreciated, as we had entered a different world. This was no normal theatre space. The Little Red Studio did not contain rows of seats facing a stage. It felt more like a loft space designed for personal exploration and artistic experimentation.

There were rich colors, plush seats and cushions arranged all over in various configurations, as well as light and dark areas around the room and its various corners and nooks in which different elements of the performance itself laid in waiting for the night to begin. Jeff showed me the main staging area with its shadowy lighting and huge blank canvas against the back wall, a pedastal in the middle of another part ofthe room on which a perfect bodied girl in a tight latex jumpsuit wearing a gas mask stood observing people come in… you know…the usual fare for a night at the theatre.

All around the room, cast members toured other guest/participants through the space, explaining different things to them. A girl with red palm prints over her breasts walked by silently. Different other cast members, (or were they just visions of some kind….or more unsettling and exciting, other visitors to the Studio, just more engaged than I was?), made their way through the space as well, welcoming and preparing us all for the night.

It was difficult to tell who was cast member and who was spectator, but as I quickly realized, the most difficult thing for me to determine that night was whether or not I myself was a cast member or a spectator.

We were invited to take seats around the main performing area, and then the show began. It began without fanfare. It just began. Three butoh figures, came forth from the dark. If you’ve never seen butoh before, it is sort of like your worst nightmare come to life, mixed with delicate grace. The three cast members, looking like aged corposes, and painted head to toe with what looked like pale mud, staggered into the play space. They each were turned by other cast members to face the audience, where they then froze in place.

Each of three cast members who had turned them, proceeded to take a small container of black paint, and proceeded to pour that thick paint over the head of each still figure. As the paint dripped slowly down bodies to the floor, each of the cast members reached back for a martini glass, also filled with paint, and a paint brush. They proceeded to look for people in the audience to whom to hand the glass and brush combo.

This wasnt an empty gesture, or a trite way of suggesting that we might at some point break the “fourth wall”. This was an invitation, which I accepted and which we all did, and within minutes, we were all particpant performers, painting these three ghostly figures ourselves. At the Little Red Studio, there is no fourth wall, or third, second, or first for that matter.

After the body painting, we were asked by our emcee to make our way to another part of the Studio space to see two women writhing and flowing and intertwining in the middle of the floor to music. These women, erotic and sensual and not pornographic, were described by our emcee as goddesses interacting as they want to be seen.

As soon as they were done with their display, we were brought to another area of the space to hear poetry, read slam style, by the very cast members who we’d bodypainted just an bit before.

The cast then invited people to taste chocolate in the center of the space, a richness that made the sensory offerings of earlier in the night very tactile and real. The night then relaxed into an open party for a bit, with dancing, music, and wine flowing as people made their way around and through the space as if it was a nightclub. Performers and spectators interacted as one. This is the Little Red Studio’s idea of an intermission: it was a continuation of the theme.

The Little Red Studio never breaks character because there are no characters to break. Its performers are living their art and they invite you to live yours as well. Like I said, its immersion theatre.

There’s an apprehension with any theatre like this…and for the record, I want to say that there isnt much theatre out there in the world like this, and probably for that very reason: it makes you nervous, albeit in the best possible way. At the Little Red Theatre, you find yourself with that same worry that you might have when an entertainer is looking for a volunteer for his or her show looks in your direction and starts to motion towards you. Its a sense of “do I really want to be here right now?”.

But you do. Because to say no to the experience is to limit life. When it all comes down, I realize again and again that there is so much truth to whoever it was who said “I will never regret the things I have done, just the things I haven’t done.” The Little Red Studio offers you the chance to try things you haven’t done, if you have the courage to say yes to the experience. I found myself excited and intruigued, nervous and at the same time ready for anything.

We reconvened in the main performing space to watch an arial bondage piece that made me want to study knots in which a woman, tied by her partner, is swung around the space from a rig connected to a point in the center of the ceiling. It was seductive, enticing, and unsettling at the same time. He was too good with the knots he tied, and she was too easily tied. I liked it. It made me reflect on power and control, in a passionate context.

We watched the girl who was wearing the gas mask and latex earlier, be body painted on an altar of sorts, now wearing neither latex or mask. She was a vision, perfect, and captivating. All of this screamed of the themes of the night: of sensuousness, richness, life, and avoiding death by delving more into life itself.

Throughout these seemingly disjointed experiences, there is spoken text of course…but not in a traditional sense. Narrators guide us through the expeirence with thoughts death and life and the pursuit of passion. There is a tactile sense to everything, from the words themselves, to the rich red fabric which covers a naked form writhing on the floor, to the ending of the piece, which was the most tactile of all.

The cast assembles in the center of the stage and performers invite by extended hand each member of the audience to approach the cast and stand in front of them…there, the cast showers attention on the audience member, with smiles, with feathers that brush against your face, with laughter, with hands on your arms and eye contact…and you just take it in and say yes to it. It is a ritual of passage from the show back out into the world, and that touch and connection is a feeling more than anything else that you can bring into your day to day lives and continue to long for as you go through the sameness of your day.

And long for it you will, long after the lights in the theatre space come up.

The Little Red Studio offers not just this show but many others. Having had a chance to see their recent two man show on manhood and gender, I can assure you that this is a space that is being well used to challenge, inform, and to forge new theatrical ground in Seattle.

The space deserves your patronage, and even more than that, you, passionate reader, deserve to create space in your life to be there in order to experience it all. Its worth it, and so are you.

In the last few weeks, as I have struggled with my bodies sophisticated, yet debilitating compensation patterns, and face another MRI of my impinged spine, I have been tumbling with the possible reality that it may be time to leave my aerial career behind for good. I am fascinated by my body, its ability to rotate, guard, pinch, splint, and shape around whatever is causing all this purposeful chaos.

And of course, I am scared. However it’s been fun and challenging to re-think my role at the studio, were my being grounded to be the case, and how excited I am to continue branching into other outlets and energy exchanges there.

Gregs words have fueled my passion for the company, the troupe, and what we are collectively sharing with the world. I’ve replenished inspiration and drive regarding my contributions to this entity that has shaped my life so much, enriched my human experience boundlessly, and shown me what it is, for me, to hope and be free. I feel invigorated, released into broader possibilities, and hold an even higher regard for what it is we invoke, and what we are becoming, at LRS. Thank you for sharing your experience with us, Greg.

Greg can be reached with comments and questions through the Little Red Studio.

February 15, 2007, 12:51 pm in public

VD 2007

I’m not all that big on Valentines, or any of the commercial holidays in general, but one thing about VD that I’ve learned to really appreciate is the acknowledgements from my friends that I receive. Most years I get a number of pings and cards and thinking of you’s, sometimes from people I haven’t really heard from in a long while, and it feels nice.

I personally never totally lost the idea I gew up with in school, where VD was about friendship before who’s fucking who, and I wish the mainstream were more about the preservation and honoring ALL your important relationships, than buying a fucking diamond ring for your one ‘sweetie’, but whatcha gonna do. I totally didn’t get anyone anything, so who am I to bitch anyway :P

Happy VD. I had a good one, hope you did too.