Installing a Husband

My dad sent this along to me, I thought it was pretty spiffy.

—-                                                                           
                                                                            
 Dear Tech Support,                                                        
                                                                           
 Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a    
 distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the  
 flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under        
 Boyfriend 5.0.                                                            
                                                                           
 In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
 Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable    
 programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.                     
                                                                           
 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the 
 system.                                                                   
                                                                           
 Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,  
 but to no avail.                                                          
                                                                           
 What can I do?                                                            
                                                                           
 Signed,                                                                   
                                                                           
 Desperate                                                                 
 ________________________________________                                  
                                                                           
 DEAR DESPERATE,                                                           
                                                                           
 First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while     
 Husband 1.0 is an operating system.                                       
                                                                           
 Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears   
 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application
 works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the          
 applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.                                 
                                                                           
 However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 
 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note 
 that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and   
 Snoring Loudly Beta.                                                      
                                                                           
 Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 
 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of  
 all your system resources.)                                               
                                                                           
 In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
 These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.            
                                                                           
 In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited      
 memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider      
 buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
 Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.                                         
                                                                           
 Tech Support